The Christmas Blog

How did you spend Christmas day?

Mine began with me waking up at 10am hearing my mum talking to my brother about how she didn't know how she was going to get the house tidy enough to celebrate this year, then she went out and I realised the time and that for the first time ever she hadn't woken me up to ask if I wanted to go to church, which meant that (again for the first time ever) I didn't get to church on Christmas day.

I went downstairs and decided to start tidying the front room and to cut a long story short, when my mum got home we carried on tidying the living room, my brother done the kitchen and my sister the backroom. By 3pm the 3 rooms were tidy and we all felt we had earned our presents and so went into the undecorated living room (again this is the first year that not a single decoration had gone up) and gave out our gifts. We all had agreed that we would not go over the top this year (another first) however we all seemed to really like the small pile of gifts that we received. Mine included 2 DVDs, a mini helicopter, a small table hockey game, a calender thing and 3 yearly bible study things.

My mum then went into the kitchen to put the potatoes etc into the oven (turkey had already been cooked) and by 5pm(ish) dinner was ready and we all went into the dining room and ate our traditional massive Christmas dinner.

After eating 1 and a half roast dinners (we have a family tradition of eating the plateful we had then the "children" refill their plates and see who is last to give up - this year, again for the first time, I was first to quit) We watched Dr who (Kylie was sexy but should stick to singing) and TV etc and that was that.

I wont bored you with boxing day but to be honest it was probably identical without the presents, the tidying or Dr who - which i guess actually suggests it was a day with a huge roast dinner and lots of TV!

Looking back I realise that I probably enjoyed this Christmas more than most as, although we did have a few moments of the traditional arguments etc:-

• for the first time in a long time, me my mum, sister and brother worked together to achieve something - even if it was just a tidy house and felt like a family.
• Without the tree and tinsel up we didn't have the distractions around us.
• Because we all only spent a little we valued our gifts much more than we usually do, as well as the sentiments behind giving and receiving them.
• By not going to church I realised that I had missed it, whereas when I go I just ignore it.

Even the cleaning bit of the day has made me realise something, surely cleaning is central to the Christmas story. The birth of Jesus is an amazing story which was the beginning of the most amazing story in the world and to put it simply - the reason for it all is so that we clean up our lives and have God at the centre and everything else in the correct draws. So maybe cleaning the house is the perfect way of celebrating Christmas! (note to mum - if your reading this DO NOT remind me of this next Christmas as whilst its nice in theory I don't want to do it every year - note to other readers - IGNORE that note to my mum I'm going to make sure cleaning is central to Christmas in my future),

In truth maybe this Christmas I have a true message for you, which I feel I have been reminded of :-

• Give and receive presents, but value them so that you remember the thoughts behind them even when you cant remember what you gave or were given
• Remember the reason for the season - every day not just once a year!
• Use Christmas and the new year as a time to clean your soul and get your life with God sorted.

Finally, and most importantly - Whoever your family are, whether 1 2 or 3 parents etc, value them - they will mess up and they will hurt you but they will always be your family and they are a gift from God, even if it don't feel like it when they are with you!

Your my family - IL update you on my move etc when I get the chance.

Merry Christmas and Have a happy New Year

Why church should be like a party....

In Nossies blog I discovered that my view of church should be like a party which i expressed in my last blog is one which some disagree with and so I am posting the comment I made in her blog here to explain my views and gather yours.

The reason I believe church should be like a party is that the majority of church goers (in theory but sadly maybe not in practice) are those who know the good news that Jesus brought us and many have responded to that good news!

the Biblical church was and is a gathering of christ followers. It involves worship, teachings, encouragement and more.

SURELY A GATHERING OF PEOPLE WHOM HAVE HEARD AND RESPONDED TO THE GOOD NEWS WOULD WANT TO BE CELEBRATING AND SO CHURCH SHOULD BE A PARTY (i didnt mean to shout there but my comp stuck on caps and when i re-read what I wrote I decided to keep it in capitals)

does this infer or make people believe life will be easy? not in my view! infact I believe a joyful, celebrating church says - life may not go according to my plan but im celebrating that I know there is more to life than this etc etc.

it really depends how you define party does it not? a wake after someone dies is a party, a bday party is a party, a farewell do is a party. Partys come in many sizes and with many styles and so should church. My point is church should be something attractive to people because it is Gods church and God is something people should want in their lives!

does this mean we are not called to be different? no - but thats sort of the point too isnt it? society is full of depression, sadness and lack of love or joy - so if the church is truely called to be different then it should be full of happiness, excitement, love and joy - which in my book makes a pretty good party!

A total update in a long awaited blog

The reason I have not blogged for so long is because so much is going on in my life that every time I try to write something i dont know where to start or where to end and so i end up giving up. However the other day I bit someones head off for asking me a simple basic question about my "move and job" because i was fed up of talking about it so I decided I must write it all down so that when asked the questions i can just say "read my blog!" so here goes....

Job information

Last time I wrote I had just had an interview in liverpool, well it went well and they invited me back for a 2nd one during which they informed me that they were definitly offering me the job. I was extremely excited and pleased but used my wisdom to ask for time to pray and concider it.

the next day I asked about the small matter of money and was disapointed to discover that I was being offered a salary which was about £3000 less per year than I am currently on and so wasnt so sure.

I seeked advice from many wise people, some online and some real life/none net friends. Everyone agreed on one thing, that God provides and that if before money became an issue I felt it was right to do then its probably still the right thing to do. So I accepted.

I then had the problem that my current job required 3 months notice and my new job wanted be ASAP. My bosses said I could move earlier as long as something was sorted so that the cube did not suffer. An interim youth worker has now been apointed and so I start my new job on the 2nd January 2008 and will be meeting my current boss tomorow to arrange when I am leaving here.

the job is basicaly (according to my job description) "This is a new post created to engage and befriend young people who frequent the streets of the area and enable them to access purposeful activity in Liverpool Lighthouse and other locations in the area." and as its really hard to say what I will actually be doing I will just leave it as that.

Prayer wise I am very nervous as I havent done detached youth work for a while and am throwing myself into the deep end working with young people who really need help and God. It could be the biggest challenge of my life so far.

Search for a home and "The church"

This weekend I went up to Liverpool to visit the church and experience a sunday service and also to find a home to rent. Well the first bit was easy enough.

The church service was amazing, the friendliness of the people was outstanding with people speaking to me and welcoming me etc etc even before they knew who I was. The service itself was 2 hours long (which for me sounds scarey) and yet the time flew by. I used to have a saying that "church should always be like a party because if thats what heavens like then the church should be like heaven!" and this service really felt like a party. The worship music was a mixture of everything, with people being free to worship how they feel comfortable - I have a pet peave about "happy clappy" churches whos services make you feel guilty if you dont put your hands in the air or speak in tongues etc etc but as I worshipped I really felt God telling me this is my new home and in many other ways I felt challenged like never before in the sermon andwas almost (but i didnt) brought to tears when they spoke so passionatly about the work they do abroad and locally - with no wish for anyone to be praised except for God.

The house hunting was less enjoyable. I found places to look at and yet could not look at them due to staff shortages and other reasons, which meant I actually ended up looking at houses that were not really what I wanted - and trust me when I say if you see a studio apartment for £60 a week its probably not worth even looking at! I guess Il have to go up again soon as time is short and if I dont have anywhere to move to I may be in trouble.

Please pray for God to open a door and find me somewhere to live, and that I fall in love with the house in the same way that I instantly fell in love with my current house.

The Cube

Everyone now knows that I am leaving, and it has been strange as it had led me to see how much of a relationship I actually have with the young people and it has been very moving to hear how many of them say they will really miss me etc. Im sad to be leaving as its not a finished project and the young people are great, but it is the right time, Gods time, and me leaving has resulted in some major decisions in the life of the project (mainly about its future) which I believe will enable for Gods work to be done even more in the towns young peoples lives, so I guess once again I have been reminded how time is Gods not Mans.

I still dont know when my last date is but it will be before 19th December.

Please pray for the work as I try to bring my role to an end and also pray that the new begining for both the cube and its young people goes well.

Christmas

As I dont know where I will be living or when Im moving Christmas planning is proving hard. I am hoping I will go to my mums for a few days but at the back of my mind I have a fear I will end up in an empty home in Liverpool on my own - but its in Gods hands really isnt it!

I am aiming to have a bash on new years eve as a sort of house warming/new years party so if you are free you are invited, just ask for the address (when I have one) and let me know your coming.

Please pray that this party happens, and is well attended and that Christmas goes well (and that I find time and money to get presents!)

Social life

I recently went to London for the day with my mum to see "Avenue Q" a great musical which is slightly ruder than usual but is hilarious - something my mum agreed with - which did suprise me as I thought it may be too rude for her. Go see it if you can - its great!

This weekend I stayed at a friends from uni in Liverpool and it was great to look back at old times. I also managed to get a ticket at the very last minute (2 minutes before kick off) for Liverpool Vs Bolton and what a match 4-0 to Liverpool. I will upload videos as soon as i find the wires.

I must admit socially I feel extremely positive about my future social life as I know a few people in liverpool and surounding areas and also have nothing but nice things to say about the many people I have met and spoken to when I have been visiting. Everything is making me believe that for the first time since university I will have a life away from work and away from the computer!

Please pray all the above comes true!

The internet

I have been neglecting you all, and I am truely sorry. To be honest life is so busy with all of the above I have found myself just wanting to chill without being asked questions about life, without having to chat etc, Im sorry if this sounds harsh as I do see you all as friends but I just needed a break from something and chatting on line was about the only thing I could take a break from.

So thats life, thats why Ive not been online/or have been "hidden" and havent updated my blog. Please pray for all the above and please do ask about things if you want to, and dont take it personaly if I ask you not to ask as sometimes im tired of talking about it.

Remember I love you all, and so does God, and if theres one thing Ive learnt/remembered through all this is that God has a time and sometimes that time isnt when we expect it. This means admiting we dont have total control, which is the hardest thing to do - but when we do it Gods time is revealed and his plan fulfilled.

i think thats everything. Bye for now!

past present future

This week has been one of those weeks where the past, present, and future collide to make one heck of a busy and stressful time but also made it a week of reflection.

Some of you know that on Monday I had a job interview in Liverpool. This was for a job working at The liverpool lighthouse doing detached work as well as a bit of church work and also working with excluded young people - so at first glance its full of the type of youth work I love. When you add to it that the agency and church is a church with music central to its work, specificaly gospel you will see that its a job that I would really enjoy. Interview went well and they have invited me back to a second interview this coming Monday.

The interview questions was obviously about me and my past experiences as well as my future and it was very interesting to be forced to look at the decisions ive made in the past and the way that I made them.

On Tuesday it was The Cubes 2nd birthday. An opportunity to celebrate the last 2 years successes as well as launching the next year in style. We had 109 young people in 2 hours who all seemed to enjoy a night of music and food. It was weird to look back and celebrate again whilst thinking about leaving (which most people connected to work dont know about).

Wednesday I went back to Liverpool to watch Liverpool play Cardiff. Whilst this doesnt automaticaly jump out at you part of supporting liverpool is the history of the club and I must admit I couldnt help but remember the moments of happiness that Liverpool has given to me over the years - especially as Robbie Fowler was playing for Cardiff and hes a hero to me.

So yeah lots of reflection over the past week, lots of thinking about the future, but the thing that has made me think most is speaking to friends I havent spoken to for ages. Without divulging names This week I have spoken to friends about marriages posibly failing, Ive spoken to friends who have recently had children and others who are pregnant, Heard from friends who are ill, and Ive heard from people who have never felt closer (and some who have never felt further) from God.

All of this has made me realise a bit more about love and the love of God as well as about life. First Im going to quote a friend who puts it like this....

"I have met my dream man. Most people would call me crazy, but I am sure that you met him, too. Granted, you won't exactly call him your dream man. LOL You might know him... Jesus Christ? For right now, He is all I need. It takes quite a bit to get to that point, but I am finally understanding it bit by bit. It is crazy I must say. I can't live without Him. How do I know? Because I wanted to walk away from it all about a month or two ago. I just couldn't though. I'm realizing what love is. It is much more than the flashy, fun, flirty love that this world knows. I still don't know it entirely, but I am seeing that a lot of this world has NO clue about love at all though. It's amazing to be able to say I love Jesus Christ and know and understand the meaning behind it."

Over all the things I have chosen to do in my life, and through everything that has been out of my control Ive always had the love of God to get me through it and no matter what the future holds this one thing will always be constantly true. People and situations change but God doesnt.

If you are one of the people Ive seen or spoken to this week know this - I will always strive to show as much as Gods love to you as God has to me. I will always strive to be a friend to you when you need it, a guide when you feel lost, a policeman when you need to be told your in the wrong, BUT I cant promise I will always be there for you - God can and will do all of these and more so remember him when you need him.

Im going to stop now coz im slightly melodramatic and your bored. Thanks for readng and please pray for me this coming weekend.

listen

I was half way through writing a boring blog listing everything thats going on at the moment when I heard a voice say something very deep and meaningfull. It said...

listening can effect your career
listening can even mend a friendship
Ultimatlt it keeps you in the moment so you dont miss the things that really matter

No im not hearing voices or having words of wisdom from God, it was the voiceover on TV programm scrubs but it was something I needed to hear so maybe it was sort of sent by God.

Im desperate for God to reveal to me things about my career as I have 2 job interviews in the next 3 weeks (first one on monday in Liverpool) and need Gods guidance well and truely.

I need to start listening to a few others to help mend some friendshios and or relationships

and I need to stay in the moment and not miss the things that matter.

so yeah this blogs boring but meaningful

are you listening?

latest sermon

proper blog coming soon but for now can I direct your attention to my other blog which is where I post the sermons that I preach.

my latest one has been posted today, would appreciate comments on the sermons as well so if your feeling spiritual get reading.

the link is in the blog links over there ----->

but for those too lazy to look it is here,

http://moretyssermons.blogspot.com/

Its good to talk

Today I wanted to phone my grandad.

There was no reason for wanting to call him, other than i wanted a random chat, the type of chat which only he could give me.

Id ring him when I felt lonely or down but didnt want to discuss the reasons, he would just make me forget everything and would make me smile, just by chatting about the life the universe and everything.

For those who dont know (and you should know if you read my blog regulary) Grandad died in August and this is the first time Ive really missed him since the funeral.

I then picked up my mobile and flicked through my numbers and discovered I hadnt deleted his number, so there I was sat staring at my grandads phone number on my mobile half wanting to ring it, even tho i knew he wouldnt answer it.

This got me thinking about the way people communicate now adays.

I always argue that nowadays people communicate more than ever before but in different ways. This is all well and good, however, it means people dont talk to each other any more.

people can and do go a whole day without hearing a persons voice once, and yet could still have "spoken" to lots of people. Chat rooms, MSN, Texts, emails, facebook, blogs etc help to build relationships amongst strangers but is this healthy?

when I was going through my mobile I realised that out of all the numbers I had texted most of them a few times in the past month but had only spoken to about 2 of them.

Theres people I dont hear from in a while so I text them and say hi how you doing etc, but dont ring them.

Theres a question to ask so I text it coz its quicker

the opportunities just to speak to someone are there but for ease we do something quicker.

When was the last time you had a phone conversation about nothing for the sake of having a chat?

who do you ring when you just want a chat about nothing?

we live in a world of communication and yet weve stopped talking to each other. so heres a challenge to you all.

next time you think about sending a text to someone ring them instead.

next time you have some time dont come online ring someone who aint spoken to for a while and catch up with them

and finally remember the bt slogan "its good to talk" and make it a motto to live by.

leave a comment, oh and if you want a chat, give me a call!

The Four letter word

To some this word is offensive
To others this word is scarey
Some people spend their lives searching for this word
Others spend their lives avoiding it at all costs
Its a four letter word which is used miles too much in society today
But its also a four letter word that has maybe lost its meaning because its been used so much
When its said can spark many emotions
apparently it can even build a bridge
Saying it can make you happy, sad, mad, or glad
Hearing it can make you cry, smile, run, or dance

So what is this four letter word?

L*VE

so why is it that this one word can be the cause of so many confusing emotions, that it can cause arguments, that it can destroy as well as build things?

I believe its because its such an ambiguous word.

What is love?
Is loving someone a choice or a chemical reaction or something else?

The last time I was in love someone told me that they believed love is a choice, you choose to love someone. That choice is sparked by an attraction either to them physicaly or to their personality but it is still a choice, which is why so many people dont ever love someone because they stay waiting for the butterfly effect as a sign.

I dont think I believe this but its an interesting opinion.

The reason for this blog is because Ive realised I over use this word, and I think maybe Christians in general do too. I tell a few people that I love them all the time, and online its even easier to say it without thinking about the meaning of the word. Christians are told to love thy neighbour and certainly amongst younger people this has led to people seemingly so keen on saying i love you or luv ya etc that its no longer as special as it once was.

dont get me wrong I like it when people say they love me, but because i hear it so often I dont end up believing it when told it by people who mean it (if that makes sense).

When I do start to fall in love with someone I stop saying the L word, because I dont want to say it until I can say it with 100% honesty. but this seems a bit backwards to me.

There are people I love because they have earned my love through my life, these people are my family, my best mate Ian and his wife Jen, and finally Lisa. This is type 1 of love.

There are people I love because they have had an important part of my life in a different way to those above but I dont speak or see them that often but I know Il always love them. These are people like Katie (my exs baby), people from my old jobs, and friends from when I was younger. This is type 2 of love/

There are ex girlfriends who I once loved so much (altho may not have been in love with them) and I will always love them in some shape or form. This is type 3 of love

Then theres friendship love. People who are friends, you love them for their friendship and how they are there for you etc. Type 4 of love.

Finally theres the big one, the being in love, the love of your life (if that actually exists) This is type 5 of love.

So theres 5 types of love, which explains why the word is so over used and which explains why its such a complcated word.

For those who have reached this far, well done, i love you!

seriously Im not sure where im going with this, which I guess is a bit like love itself, whichever type of love it is you never know where its going which is why its so exciting when you have it and its so devastating when you lose it!

dont worry Im not in a "I want love now" mood, just thinking about how I use the L word and how I, and other value it.

For future reference I do want to find someone to love with all my heart, but im not sure Im ready at this time for that person. Also if I say "I love you" to you, even in a joking way I do actually mean it but it doesnt mean im after dating you.

Currently theres 2 or 3 of you who I say I love you to, and if circumstances were different I may not say it so much because there may be a danger of me falling in love with you (or am I just leading you on now getting you to wonder, just for the sake of it) but they aernt so anyways.

loves clearly a big issue and ive produced a bigger blog than I thought I would so Il stop now.

Thanks for reading.

Luv Ya

the youth work debate

Youth work is a profession - I am a professional youth worker
Youth work is a calling - I am called by God to be a youth worker
Youth work is a service - I am here to serve
Youth work is about building relationships - I am paid to be a friend type figure
Youth work is about trust - I am paid to trust the sometimes untrustable and to be trustworthy
Youth work is a ministry - I am part of a ministry, despite being outside the church

I believe all the statements above which is why I studied my degree which gave me the right to call myself a professional. But this naturally leads to some problematic questions.

How can it be a profession and a calling when a profession is traditionally about the money and a calling is not - surely they are at very opposite ends of the line.

Are relationships false if you are paid to make them? does this make youth work prostitution without the sex?

Is it fair to build relationships and become trusted when at some point you will move on to another job?

What makes a profession a ministry?

There's obviously answers to all these questions, but for now I'm not going to give them as Id like to know your thoughts on them, and maybe even make you think a bit more for yourselves.

The reason I ask these is because recently Ive had a spark of interest in one or two jobs which I have seen advertised and I have sent of for information.

no big deal you may think, and certainly the none christian's i have spoken to have asked me a few times when i'm aiming to move onto bigger and better things, the common question youth workers are asked by christian's is "when are you going to move up to ministry".

so people expect you to move on

BUT what about the relationships, the trust, the ministry, the calling which i'm involved in now. I owe the people who employ me a lot for what they've done to me over the past 2 years but that's just one thing to consider.

Is it fair in general for you to build a relationship with a young person (who may never have trusted anyone before) only to say, sorry I've been offered more money elsewhere?

do youth workers actually cause more harm than good by giving the false hope that they will always be there and then run off to a new job etc?

What I don't want to really get into is my future, I will discuss this with people who I trust in person and pray and decide if its right to apply etc or not.

I want this to spark an open discussion about paid professional youth work. the questions Ive asked are just some of them, and again id say I know what I believe the answers are but what about you?

Youth work - whats your views?

Cashew + Margo

Cashew wheres your blog gone?

Margo let me read your blog!

the end!

decisions

The future is something most people are scared off at some point in their lives, mainly because you can never know what its going to hold. Star signs, Tarot cards, fortune cookies etc are all used by many people in the hope of getting the slightest hint of what might happen, and in some cases people wont make decision without checking what the stars say just in case they are making the wrong decision.

The Christian response to fearing the future is dont worry about tomorow, trust in God etc etc. This is true, obviously, BUT it doesnt mean we shouldnt think about the future. Sometimes we are given 3 or 4 options to decide between and sometimes its really tough to know which way to go. Prayer is part of the decision process, an important part, but for some it becomes an excuse not to do anything or make any changes etc.

The fact is in many decisions there is no wrong choice in spiritual terms, each path would be doing Gods work, no matter how hard you want and pray for a big arrow saying "This way now!" it doesnt come. You search the Bible and theres nothing against any of the routes, and may be plenty of things going for each route. what do you do?

My answer would be you do what you think youd be happiest doing. If God doesnt want you doing something he will block the pathway somehow, the Bible says he opens and closes doors so thats easy then isnt it?

hmmm I doubt anythings that easy.

whats your thoughts on decisions?
how do you make them?

I have a few tought choices to make soon, mainly about my future, wont say too much on here because some people read these who I dont want to know about those choices yet.

so join the debate people, decisions.... how do you make yours?

Greenbelt - Saturday

I awoke (as I always do when camping) on the hour every hour but only left my tent at about 7 or 8am to what had to be the loveliest weather ever. In true camping style sausages and bacon were on the menu for breakfast, which seemed to last 2 or 3 hours.

Why is it bacon and sausage sarnies taste so much better when fried in the open air? Is it God teasing us saying - haha your clogging your body up with discusting unhealthy fat but im going to make it taste great!

anyways....

Eventually I left the camp site and went to see an ex vicar called Mark Townsend do a talk called "The gospel of falling down". He gave up the priesthood to do tricks of the mind for a living. He was great, exploring how God uses the pitfulls of life, the phrase that I remember most is how we need to get naked with God, completely strip ourselves of everything in order to have no secrets and be prepared for him to use us, whether we think the things we are going through are good or bad. (he was better at explaining things than me but thats the point that I picked up!)

Next it was time for liquid lunch, yes I did have a pint but thats not why I went, liquid lunch was a panel show where 3 people discussed what had happened in greenbelt so far and recomended future talks etc. One of the panel turned out to be my cousin, so was good to briefly catch up with him afterwards. Theres not much to report on this really, as it seems weird talking about a show which talks about other shows.

After this I arranged to meet a certain Zebedee, aka Martin and his lovely girlfriend Rachel and to watch Matt Redman on stage. Now Im not a huge redman fan, but if you imagion the sun blazing down on me, dressed in shorts and t-shirt, and me laying on the grass eyes shut just listening to worship songs. It was an amazing feeling. Martin and Rachel left because it was so hot but I really felt God stirring me. It was strange, the naked infront of God phrase from earlier stayed in my mind and God brought loads of stuff from my past to my mind. After a while it got to the stage I felt God saying "Go to spiritual direction" so I left Redman and made my way to the area where you could make appointments with the spiritual direction people.

I have got a video of Matt Redman but apparently its too big for youtube, but if you have my facebook you can see it on there.

When I went to the spiritual direction people I met with a guy and had half an hour to discuss anything I wanted to, and a problem occured, I didnt know what I wanted to talk about. It ended up being a pretty emotional half hour with lots of stuff coming to the surface, I must admit Ive pushed it back down again but some of it may have been dealt with.

Next up I had promised a friend called Grace that I would go see the play she was in, and so an hour early I made my way to the venue expecting to be able to get a pint before it started, but there was a huge line already and so I joined it and stood in the blazing heat for ages until they finally let us in.

The show was "Return to the Forbidden planet" and was performed by Faith Hope and Gaffetape, a youth drama group who meet up for a week every summer and do everything in the week, ending with a performance.

The play itself was, ummmm random, it was good, the people involved were really good actors and actressess and most coulod sing pretty well (Grace was amazing - both in terms of the way she looked in her very sexy costumne (cough cough) and the times she sang on her own). The problem was we were sat on the most uncomfortable floor, in a boiling hot tent and the story line was a little confusing. I had to leave before the end as I had arranged to meet my cousin at the Beer tent at 7pm (as I had assumed it would be over by then) so I missed the ending.

Next was the highlight of the weekend, BEER AND HYMNS! This video is taken from Sundays Beer and Hymns but shows what happens.



During this first one (not on video) I sat with my Cousin Murray and a few other people who I hadnt met before. We sang our hearts out and it was the way church should be. Everyone was relaxed (no not drunk) and were just singing their hearts out for the Lord. The best way I can explain what it felt like was like being in a crowd in a football match.

After a couple of pints and all the hymns I explored the stalls around and made my way to see a singer from the band who made my childhood, DC Talk. Kevin Max was amazing and heres 2 videos of him





the day ended at Last orders, a sort of comedy show with a few guests and video clips and it was great.

heres the best video clip from the show that they used, This contains 1 swear word (which was cut out during the show) so do not play those with a nervous disposition!




Overall Saturday was a day where God tried to get me to deal with a few things, and maybe I did, maybe I didnt, I guess we will have to wait and see.

Its a day where I felt challenged to be naked more (hmmmm please get that image out of your minds unless you are a good looking single female and find that image attractive in which case call me!)

Its a day where I was challenged to find someone to help deal with my emotions and get spiritual direction regulary in the future (but this wont happen lol)

and it was a day of worshipping the way it should be - with a beer in my hand!

more Greenbelt reports later but Ive put off work for long enough so bye for now!

Greenbelt - Friday (my bday)

Friday

I awoke early (6am) to pack and ensure that I had all the essentials.... 2 hours later I began my packing and by 9am I was almost ready, apart for a small matter of not having a cool box or any food. So I make an emergency phone call and borrow a cool box and then go to the shop down the road and spend £40 on food.

Actually thats a little wrong, I spent £10 on food and £30 on alcohol... 6 bottles of wine and a crate of lagers! well it was going to be a long weekend afterall.

My lift to Greenbelt was due at 10:30am so I quickly got home and stacked all my luggage together and waited til they arrived and we made the nice smooth journey, arriving at Cheltenham at about 2pm.

Well I had booked my ticket so had to collect it and the other 3 in the car had not booked so they had to join a different line to me. The line I was in was for the organised people who pre book so naturaly it was shorter WRONG! I waited for over an hour to pick up my paid for ticket whereas the less organised travelers waited for less than half an hour! - the moral of this story is that the world world be a lot quicker if we were all disorganised! honest!

next we got in the car to drive to the campsite and joined the long line of cars waiting for the moment, which gave us the perfect excuse to open a bottle of wine and enjoy the sun while we waited. Small problem - we didnt have any cups, well we improvised byu pouring wine into empty sprite bottles etc and then toasted our journey and my bday.

During the wait we tuned into Greenbelt FM and someone texted them so that they sang happy birthday, which was nice.

Eventually we Got onto the site and set up the tents etc and by the time this was done it was about 6pm. BBQ time. we sat around eating and enjoying the rest that we had earned and drank a few bevys.

Then 3 lovely ladies from Sanderstead (where I used to work) arrived and ate and set up their tents and then gave me my first (and last) bday presents of the day.... an interesting book about being a christian man, some chocolates, and...............some baby food! (the baby food had a story about it and a reason for giving me but i wont go into it here - boring tho, oh and it was possibly stolen!)

We then went into the arms of Jesus.... well technically the organic beer tents title was the Jesus Arms and we had a couple of pints whilst catching up and reading a random christian girls magazine, which was very educational!

we eventually returned to our tents and went to bed.

before I continue with my Greenbelt experience I should thank all who texted me bday greetings, they were much appreciated.

it didnt really feel like a birthday to be honest, coz of all the travelling etc but the day was made great by seeing Roz, Kathy and Mim again so thanks to you 3 for coming and for my only bday presents (lol sympathy anyone)

later I will tell you about the rest of the weekend but Im at work and should really be doing more important things than this.

Videos tribute day

This is a video of My dad and his brothers and sisters singing Found a peanut which Grandad taught them - this was done at the tribute part of Grandads funeral day (as were the rest of these videos)

The Welsh Moretons singing some sort of anthem

The Welsh Moretons main tribute

All the Moretons singing Bind us together Lord as the final part of the tribute day.

pictures from the funeral

Cant be bothered to write a proper blog yet but heres photos from the funeral day. Will blog about it - probably tomoro



The Flowers which were to accompoany grandad in the hearse - notice the brilliant drum made completely out of flowers!

Not all the Moretons could make it (due to a criminal vandalising their minibus the night before the funeral so they couldnt come any more) but there was quite a few of us as you can see.

It all took place at a Salvation Army in Woodford, this is a pic of my dad in the pulpit (because he had lost his voice so needed the microphone. Brought back memories!

My part of the Moreton famiy, although my parents are now divorced and I dont see any of them that often it was really nice to see us as a family again.

Then after the tributes were over the Salvation Army people departed for their homes and the non Salvation army Moretons went to their home.... The pub!

A proper more indepth blog will follow in the future but this gives you a glimpse of how the Moretons know how to party no matter what the occasion (videos are next then normal blog)

Grandad - play the drums for me

Grandad and some of his children, his grandchildren and his great grand children (and this isnt all of them either - he was a busy man lol)

At 9:45am this morning Bert Moreton aka Grandad drums was promoted to glory.

He was an entertainer, an inspirer, a Godly man, he was everything you would want from a granddad.

Music and God were so important to him. His neighbours must of hated it, downstairs he had a record player and an electric piano, up stairs he had a cornet, a drum kit, anouther record player, and various other musical instruments.

I remember sitting at the drums with one of his military records playing very loudly and me drumming along in the way he had taught me, in walks grandad and he starts marching around the room, conducting me and the record and making noises as if he was drumming with his mouth.

No matter how badly the drumming was, how much of a noise it was, he would always say how much rythm it contained and how good I was. The same goes for no matter what of his many musical instruments he was attempting to teach me to play, I wont even mention his bugal horn.

Music is definitly in the blood in the moreton family, and im convinced it was grandad drums that put it there!

Then theres God. Grandad could turn a discussion about Benny Hills amazing comedy (which both me and him loved) into a discussion about Gods love for us. And no matter what job you were doing it was a God given job. the times I rang him up and he asked what I was up to and he would always say "thats such an important job, Gods really using you" etc etc. I sometimes wonder what he would have said if I had rang him when I was working at the chicken factory.

His house was full of books by Billy Graham and although i dont remember the content of the chats I do remember many times talking about the era of Billy Graham crusades and revivals etc. if I could have just an ounce of the passion for God that Grandad had then id be a better man.

But his passion for God didnt make him super spiritual, I remember goiong to Mcdonalds with him only to see a very attractive lady and for grandad to point her out and nudge me and tell me in great detail how attractive she was. he never came across as pervy tho, he was a real charmer, and Im sure he stole womans hearts whenever he spoke to them.

His other passion was keeping fit, and he put me to shame many times, even in his old age. He would walk a few miles from his house to the local swimming pool swim laps for a long time and then walk home again, i remember visiting once and almost begging him to catch a bus coz there was no way I could walk as far or as fast as him.

I will always remember Grandad as a passionate Godly man who was approachable and down to earth offering advise when and where it was needed, with an open door policy to guests, no matter who they were.

At 10am today i got the phone call telling me 15minutes earlier he had died. at 10:45am I was leading a service at my church on love and faith and a few times I was sure he was sat at the front of the church smiling.

In the sermon i quoted one of the last things he said to me "I believe in miracles and have so many people praying for me that I know a miracle will happen!" and I wish I had said to him he is the miracle, i hope he knew how special he was to all his family (and its a very big family), and whilst im sad to lose him Im sure that Gods smiling even more now and that everyone in heaven is having a great, very load party because it will never be quiet with him around.

The thing we were all praying for, the miracle Grandad wanted, has happened. He is now healed, yes I will miss him, yes I selfishly wish he was still here, but, well Im sure hes having fun.

Grandad drums thanks for the music, thanks for the advice, thanks for everything.

Have fun (rest in peace doesnt really fit for you does it?)

Matt (Christophers middle child - coz theres so many of us grandchildren that you never could remember the names!)

Kevin (Cousin) and Grandad at a wedding

Dad, Liz and Grandad at party 2006

Grandad and his children (2006)

Grandad the way I like to remember him - tanned and enjoying the sun

Grandad drums

Today I got a phone call from my dad which has left me feeling weird.

My dad had visited my granddad today and he is not at all well, and the jist of the phone call was warning me to expect a phone call in the next few days informing me that my grandad had died.

Over the last few years I havent seen him as much as I would have liked but He is a man I respect so much and when I have seen him and spoken to him he has always given me wise words on every area of life from spiritual stuff to how important a good women is lol.

All his grandchildren call him Grandad Drums because he always had a drum kit upstairs in his house and he would teach us how to play them by putting on his records and sitting us down getting us to play along to them - every time we viosited.

I once went to a radio one road show and said hello to grandad drums, only afterwards being asked by my dad - "do you really think your grandad listens to radio 1?"

The last time I saw him he looked awful and we have known for a whiloe that we wont see much more of him, but now I know it almost certain I wont see him again.

My dads said not to visit as hes so ill that he wont know etc. Now I just dont know how I feel. He's alive still so i cant mourn him, but we are just waiting - which means he may as well be dead. Does that mean ive given up on him? the last time I saw him he said to me "I believe in mioracles and i have so many people praying for me that a miricle can and will happen!" So i shouldnt be counting the days I should be praying like he wanted.

He is a great man, one of my cousins wrote a book which was a top seller and most of it was about my grandads life. It wasnt an easy one but through it all he truely turned into a man who i respect and love and whilst I dont feel I have a right to be upset as I havent seen that much of him, I know I will be devistated when the phone call comes. Ive even not answered the phone twice today just in case.

anyways yeah please pray for whole family, but most of all pray for a miricle!

The Holy Grail

Last night I had a dream. It was one of those dreams where you wake up at the end of it and feel like it really happened and annoyed that you missed the end of it because you woke up. I awoke at 8am (ish) was wide awake and my whole body felt tense and stiff, as if Id just been involved in something really intense.

so what was the dream? I hear you asking, well it was nothing really dramatic. I dreamt I was at some sort of youth group, I know I knew people in the group but I cant remember who they were. I wasnt the youth worker responsible for the group as I was introduced as a guest by the youth worker, again I recognised him but I cant remember who it was.

The youth group was debating prayer, and I was sat there listening getting really frustrated at the way the debate was going. Everything everyone was saying just seemed to be frustrating me for some reason (again I cant remember what they were saying or why I was getting frustrated). Suddenly I had had enough and I decided to say my piece and basicaly I started talking about prayer and how Jesus taught us to pray by using the Lords prayer, this got shot down by one youth who completely disagreed with me but wouldnt let me explain that I wasnt talking about just saying it it was about using it as guidance thing on how to pray (see my recent sermon entitled "teach us to pray" which is linked ---> ). she eventually let me finish my point and someone else argued against what i was saying and every time i tried to answer a point someone else said something to stop me making it. Just as I was about to say something I woke up.

Now whilst I dont know why I had that dream last night (as the sermon was one written and used ages ago so wasnt fresh in my mind) I did think it may have meant something. I could be reading too much into it but I think maybe it could be God reminding me that I preach that prayer is important but fail to do it as much as I should. I preach that spending time with God is vital and yet I do that even less than I pray. So maybe the reason I woke up feeling so frustrated and tense is because thats the way my relationship with God is, Im not having the debates with other christians to challenge and discredit/build upon my ideas the way I did when I was a church youth worker, Im not even challenging myself as much, and maybe Im not even letting God challenge me as much when Im awake and so hes started doing it when Im asleep.

or maybe it was just a dream.

Ive also just watched The Davinchi Code for the first time, and this made me think a bit as well. The idea is based on the Holy Grail and how the church has hidden the Grail as it could destroy the church as we know it because The Grail would change findamental facts about Jesus. (Obviously this film/book is just good fiction - with no fact to it!) Well this stirred me a bit more about the dream I had and to think about how in reality the Holy Grail which we all aim to discover is not actually hidden and is something which I personally have found, Jesus himself and the relationship he has enabled us to have with God. The problem is This Grail is ignored by me sometimes because its not hidden. We search and search for things when we cant find them but when they are right infront of our noses we take them for advantage - which is why the hunt for the holy grail is often seen as more interesting than using the Grail we have already found.

So yeah as I write this I realise this is more a prayer, Lord help me to polish the Grail every day, to have a relationship with you so that I dont wake up frustrated again because I can hear you when Im awake rather than having to rely on you stirring me in my dreams.

Amen

I guess the main problem I have is there are certain areas of my life which I have issues with which get in the way of my relationship with God. I have 1 particular issue which is an addiction and it keeps coming back, and I think that probably is why I dreamt the dream as it came up last night and once again temptation got into the way.

I know God forgives me but I need his help to stop it as it does stop me from getting close to him. So I need God to give me power as I cant get patches for my addiction lol.

On none spiritual front the last week has been great, Ive felt like Ive had a social life, and have met people who may give me a social life over the next few months, problem is most of them leave the country in a few months then il be back to square one lol.

was great to see Cashew and Fruity on Saturday, was great to celebrate my mates birthday by going for a meal with him and others followed by his foirst ever experience of a nightclub, and works been going well as well - altho The dream did make me remember that I miss the debates etc which I used to encourage with the youth in my last job.

Anyways this is a lengthy blog and if youve read this far well done.

Oh one last thing - well done Steph on getting your new job at The Emerits, will be praying for you and will try to get over to see you before you fly off to dubai but if I dont (which is likely) I expect to be informed of the discount tickets to Dubai so that I can come see you. Well Done!

Bye everyone, dont forget to comment on my ramblins (and to read my sermons and comment on them too lol)

The next blog from me

My last blog seems to have created the impression that I am moping around after my ex almost a year after we split up. I just wish to clarify - before I go on, that I am not crying myself to sleep or anything. I truely am happy that she is out of my life, so thankyou all for your messages of support, it means a lot that people care, but be assured that I have moved on, and was only feeling weird on that day because I had heard the news and found it weird.

Now thats sorted on with the blog.

This week has been a strange week as it has been exactly 2 years since I moved to Harborough, and so there were quite a few moments of reflecting on the past, present and future.

Workwise everythings flying, The Cube is going well, the supervisory board is happy, the young people respect me and some do see me as a confidant etc.

Socially im in a strange place. All my close friends are scattered around Britain and I barely ever see them, infact my best friend I havent seen for at least a year if not longer.

I went out for lunch with someone who i sort of class as a spirtual mentor - I used to ring him whenever something was going wrong and i felt really bad etc etc and he probably knows more about my past than anyone else in Harborough. Well I hadnt met with him for over a year (which i guess means that the last year hasnt been emotionaly bad) and over lunch he asked me a few hard hitting questions.

What changes would i like in my life in the next 2 years?
How can I get there?
where work wise do I want to go?

The first one was answered with laughter and the answer ive given plenty of times before - I want a network of friends living near me, and posibly a partner (in the romantic sense)

The second one involves changing the way I live. I need to get out of the house when im not working, find a way of meeting people, and yeah well ive no idea lol. He suggested I get a housemate - however ive lived on my own for 5 years now and enjoy my space - which i guess is part of the problem.

Work wise I dont know really so i wont bore you with my explorations.

Other things that have happened this week: -

I sent someone I really like a package which has sat around the house waiting to be sent, she ruined the point of it coz she opened everything in it on the same day when the theory of it is that each "gift" was unwrapped when needed, but she says she liked it and so I guess it achieved what it was meant to.

Market Harborough got closed down. You may have seen on the news how tescos had some sort of major incident which resulted in 14 stores getting closed, well Harboroughs store was one of them. The police then closed most of the towns shops and cordened off most of the roads which was really weird. rumours range from the most realistic bomb threat to the mass shooting and burgalry idea (*im sure there would be ambulances around if shootings were involved durrr). I took a pic on my phone of the police closing the roads etc and sent it to the bbc website expecting it to just appear on there, but no it was used every 15 minutes with my name being mentioned all night. The amount of texts and phone calls from people asking was it me was hilarious. The town was back to normal today tho.

Church this morning was weird. You know when you walk into the church and take part in worship and start looking around to see a sea of white hair and as much as you try to focus on worshipping God you start to wonder why you go and whether you belong there or not. So yeah I need to pray and work out if i truely am where God wants me to be.

Tonight I led a service and preached on prayer etc and realised what I knew already - that I dont do enough of it. service went well as usual, but if i leave my church then this area will be stopped so this all effects my decisions.

Finally right now im feeling blugh. Think I just am preparing myself for the busiest 6 weeks of the year work wise. I love youth work but sometimes I wonder if its ruining my life.

Anyways so much stuff in here so i will stop. please pray for all the stuff youve read above, but please remember overall im in a good mood and am happy so dont send me lots of sympathetic messages - however i love hearing from you all so do comment and say what you want to say (and if it has to be sympathetic so be it!)

by for now

a year is a long tgime

This time last year I was engaged - the person who I was engaged to is moving in with her current boyfriend tomorow.

how do I feel about this? well I feel weird. Shes sort of still a friend, although shes one of those friends who I dont really like that much - you know the ones, you all have them, but you never admit it! Im glad things didnt work out, coz she was not (and posibly is not) as nice a person when you get to know her as she appears. She treated me like dirt, used me for all she could get, and basicaly kept playing games for a long time - even after we split up. So why does it remotely bother me that shes moving in with someone else?

If I was speaking to someone else and they were saying all this Id reply - coz she was a big part of your life, you thought she was going to be with you til death so its natural to feel weird. Id also say your better off without her. and well yeah bascialy I know all this. So why do I still feel a pang of jealousy - not coz I havent got her - I dont want her - so why?

I think its mainly to do with the fact that a year is a long time and it annoys me that the "evil" (sorry only word i can think of to be polite) person has moved on and got a new guy, getting a new house, is apparently in love and is seemingly happily forming a great family life (yes I know i cant truely know whats going on). whereas I am almost in the same situation as I was a year ago. Without going into the whole thing and all my past romances etc it does make me think that the nice guys finish last idea is actually true.

my last post (written about an hour ago) was me trying to get myself looking at the positives of the future, and thats what im trying to do but in the back of my mind theres these small things nigling at me :-

am I too nice/too much of a pushover to ever be more than a friend?
am I destined to be the pick up guy - to pick people up after bad times until they get back on track and can find someone who they really want?
how come in a year for me nothing much changes but for others everything does.

im not down, more annoyed that this stuff stops me truely trusting people, annoyed that when people talk about love I dont think its possible to be real, and annoyed that im still bothered by an ex who i dont love or like.

anyways moans over ignore me!

this week

This last week has been a weird week, mainly because a few massive things have happened which have major effects on my future.

It bagan like most weeks with a Monday (well technicaly Sunday is the begining of the week but I never class that as being the real begining of the week). I had a meeting with my supervisory board at 9am, a meeting I had requested to come up with a vision for the next 3 years of The Cube. This meeting went fairly well, especially after I managed to get them to move away from talking about specifics and start talking about aims and objectives.

After the meeting finished I started working on putting meat on the bones and spent 3 hours developing a strategy document for the next 3 years, basicaly using the agreed aims to develop objectives. so now I have the knowledge of the next 3 years aims and objectives and in the next week will be developing the method of how to get there in a bit more detail.

The next big thing that happened was I subscribed to Sky TV - yes finally I will have more than 4 channels. How do I afford this? well thanks to a refund from British Gas and a bit of maths which made me realise I would only be paying about £5-10 more than I pay now to get the tv, phone and internet package - so all good.

Finally during a drunken chat with someone I discovered things which were hard to believe and when in context of what I said at the end of my last blog backs up exactly what I said. cryptic - yes but thats all your getting from me!

so Workwise I know where Im going, just not how Im getting there.
Social wise - I know Il never be leaving the house again - but at least Il have Sky sports of comfort
and well other things look positive too.

I think maybe this blog thing is taking a back seat at the moment coz lifes so busy. but hope this satusfies all your wants and needs for a little while.

bye for now.

a PJ Day

Ive had a pajama day today! For those people who dont know what one of those are its a day that you get out of bed and dont bother getting washed or dressed and just stay in your bed clothes for the whole day.

yes i stink!

Other than that I have sat infront of my tv and watched the Dianna concert, and whilst the show itself was a mix of the cack and the brilliant the whole thing got me thinking about how one persons death can effect millions of people in such a way that 10 years after she dies a concert remembering her gets shown in almost every country in the world.

That obviously got me thinking of Jesus and his death, and the bit that often gets forgotten about - coz he "died for our sins" - his RESURECTION! I mean doesnt it speak volumnes that a woman dies in a tragic accident in France and every country broadcasts a show about her 10 years later but in some countries a God who died for a reason - a reason that was nothing to do with him, was to do with us, cant be talked about without fear of persecution!

Then theres the fact that tickets for this concert sold out in minutes wheras theres empty pews in the churches because of people like me being too tired to give up a rare day off to worship the person who saved us.

The thing is Im not sure God minds. Obviously he minds about the first point, and he wants us to fight for the right to party (or worship) and for the right for all to do the same, but Im not sure if he minds when we have a day in bed or whatever because he wants us to worhsip him 24/7/365 not just in the church building on a Sunday. Maybe its just me talking myself out of guilt or maybe not.

The song thats just finished on the show is "are you ready for love?" and i think thats a good a place to stop as any, are we ready for love? will we accept love? will we show love? will love be our lives?

if the answer to all these questions are yes then we will be worshiping God 24/7/365 and so God wont mind the odd Sunday PJ day, if the answers are yes then we will be fighting injustices and for the right for all to worship God, and if the answers are yes then we are having a true relationship with him.

if the answer is no to any of the questions then we need to work on that to change it. The big problem tends to be accepting love - i know it is for me - God can move mountains and so helping you to change your answers is certainly possible if u ask him.

so are you ready? are you ready for love?

A catch up blog

well since I seem to be getting messages demanding a blog I thought I better oblidge.

Since my last blog Ive been so busy with so many different things that I really didnt have the motivation to write about my life when I was so busy living it.

So the main things that have happened have been the variety show and the general running of the cube.

The Variety Show, for those who dont know, was a show which I "jointly" (yeah right I did all the work) organised with my friend Benji in order to raise money for "Careforce" a charity who places people on year olds in churches across Britain (www.careforce.co.uk)

The 2 weeks before the show was an up and down period with people pulling out all the time and then us ending up with people wanting to be in the show at the last minute. Then the day itself arrived and it was superb. We had a belly dancer, a rock band, a singer, 3 comedians, a couple of amazing children acts, and a few other things (including a certain blogger destroying 2 of his favourite songs). I was the host as well, so was kept very busy keeping the show running.

We raised £280 in total, which we were very pleased with.

After that I could relax - wrong. I then needed to organise a BBQ for the volunteers of the Cube and keep it up and running and do lots of other things.

Il skip to the BBQ which took place in the pouring rain on wednesday and so we ended up having all the meat cooked in oven and playing uno extreme - until 11:10pm! Was great to have them round tho coz it felt like I had a social life - even if it was a work event.

But you dont want to know about work etc, you want to know about me. Well in the last blog I felt crap and had a bad day etc. Over the last couple of weeks Ive had my ups and downs, being so busy has left me drained - The happiest moment was gettin £460 refund from British Gas.

I guess what Id like to say to you all is that you dont know how special you are to me, sometimes you feel like your all I have.

I honestly feel my emotions and feelings are like a rollercoaster and sometimes i wanna get off and sometimes im excited by the bumps etc i see in the distance or have just gone over.

Theres a couple of really special people who have helped keep me sane over the last couple of weeks, but I dont think they know it. One of them is currently waiting for me to write this blog and whilst I dont want to look like Im sucking up to her I want her to know that no matter what life has thrown at her or decisions she has made in the past present or future Gods used them to turn a rock into a diamond - a beautiful one too! So you know who you are (and if you dont then ask me if its you and il confirm it!)

right I just got a message telling me to hurry up so il finish coz this lengthy blog is enough for now.

will do one tomoro on my first day off for 2 weeks! yay

love you all!

Me!

not a fun day

Todays been one of those days, you get them in youth work, those days where at the end of it the only question you want to ask is "whats the point?"

but its nor just in youth work its in life. without going into details friends can be hard work sometimes. I know they are worth it, and I appreciate all my friends but sometimes I wish God created us to be alone instead of with other people.

anyways im being careful what i type coz i dont want to bitch.

then tonight we had no young people - not a single one!

whats the point?

anyways Im praying that tomoro I wake up in a better mood coz I do prefer myself when im happy etc and i think most of you lot do too!

so for now farewell, this is why i didnt blog this before - you understand now lol

happy morety will see you all tomoro.

Laughing at life

Ive been thinking a lot recently about how strange lifes is, i meen just look at my reasons: -

I spend all my time at work thinking about when my next day off is only to spend my day off worrying about the things I have to do at work the next day.

I keep looking at my mobile wishing I recieve texts or phone calls so that I know i have friends that care etc but when my phone rings I start swearing and cursing "whos ringing me at a time like this?"

I complain theres nothing on TV but cant miss a certain programme every week/day just in case something interesting happens on it when Im not watching.

I complain I have no social life but when asked if I want to go out after a long day at work I say no i just want to chill out and have some space.

I can feel alone and lonely in a room full of people but comfortable and happy in a room with just me and God.

I can convince myself somethings true even if it isnt but if someone tries to convince me the same thing is true I wouldnt believe them.

so yeah lifes strange, we all knew that - whats my point?

well I guess my point is that if lifes so strange and if its human nature to laugh at things that we find strange (which I am told is the case) why is it so hard to laugh at life?

Over the last 26 years lots of stuff (good and bad) has happened to me and my family etc and when I talk about it I normally do it with a smile on my face and almost laugh about it - some say this is because if i dont laugh id cry but with me its different, I do look back and find it slightly funny the way things panned out!

The bad stuff shouldnt have happened - but when you look back you see how silly some of the things were - and how much comic value is in them.

The good stuff was a blessing at the time but is often the hardest stuff to remember - surely thats funny in itself

So yeah next time Im telling you about my parents divorce, my depression, or any other crap periods of my life with a smile and almost jokey sounding voice be assured Im not hiding anything Im learning to laugh at life.

Is this healthy? YES - why? cause life is funny - even if it doesnt seem like it when your living it!

I believe God has a sense of humour and has a plan for us, he doesnt turn us into jokes or cause us pain which we cant deal with but he gave us the ability to laugh at things because laughter is the best medicine (watch patch adams if you dont believe me!) and is one of the best things he gave us to help us through the bad times.

So next time you feel down, next time stuff is going wrong, infact every day that you live ask God the exact thing that I am asking God for at this very moment - ask God to let you laugh!

Life = a gift from God
laughter = a gift from God
You = a gift from God

Life + You + Laughter = a happy life (but not necesarily and easy life)

sorry this is random and possibly a bit too serious for a day off - you got to laugh dont you, when i started typing i had nothing to say!

not much to say

I havent actually got anything interesting to say today - the main thing that happend yesterday was to be told of by my boss for something which has nothing to do with work at all - but apparently in leadership everything is to do with work!

anyways so that i dont moan etc instead i chose to update my life story so if your bored enough to read it go to

http://www.faithforum.co.uk/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=3184&p=58277&sid=6e604545b8839337fbff00ad2d282e32#p58277

thanks

Stacey (to be fair)

Shes 19 years old today oh my
That really makes her old
An amazing welsh girl she is you know
could steal my heart anyday if she wished
everybody knows her charms
yay for stacey yay

Happy birthday now learn to celebrate properly!

proper blog of the busy weekend

well the weekend began on Friday (as it does every week) and il skip the day and jump to the brilliant evening I had. Went to see Riding Lights Roughshot theatre company at a church, and it was weird coz the first half was a mix of the random to the sublime. A number of short dramas based on the actors real lives, some very meaningfull some just plain random and weird. The second half was a touching drama about modern and historic slavery. Really touched me especially as it was sort of based on the tragedy in Morcambe where I spent a lot of time when I was studying. If they are in your area go watch them - really good night out.

I got home and had to finish off prep for saturdays stall at the carnival. I got to bed at 2am and awoke at 8am ready for my long day.

Basicaly the stall was a 2 minute quiz with a £20 prize at the end of the day to the person with the highest score. The main reason of us being there was PR, which meant a lot of running around in the morning so here goes.

at 9am I was at home printing off posters and other display items and laminating them whilst making sure my transport was sorted - he wasnt and agreed to meet me at 10am

At 9:30am I walked quickly into town to purchase 3 clipboards and some pens and to cut 500 flyers so that we had 1000 of them.

At 10:30am my transport arrived. We filled his van up and drove to the Baptist church where we had to pick up display boards and tables.... by the time van was full it was 11:15am

we then drove to my house to pick up the display material and a couple of deck chairs and left there at 11:29am. The deadline for arriving at the fair ground to set up was 12am so we were cutting it fine but should make it.

Just as we pull out into the main road the police stick a road closed sign up so we couldnt right turn, so we right turned anyways the police officer looking very angry until i wind down the window and shout "we have a stall for carnival" she turns and shouts exactly what I shouted to the next officer who then shouted again and then anouther... a bit like chinese whispers, im sure the last officer shouted "their fools for the carnival!" but they let us through and we joined a traffic jam (how if the road was closed was there a traffic jam?) and eventually arrived to set up at 11:57am - just in time!

we set up and the stand fell over, set up again and the stand fell over, and set up again and it stayed up. Then the crowds arrived!

Well basicaly it ended up being a 12 year old girl coming back again and again getting more right all the time and got a score of 17 and walked away believeing she was winning. The an hour before the end a 16 year old came and tried a few times equalised and then got 22, just as the 12 year old came to check she was still winning - she was gutted so tried 3 more times but could not get over 19.

Was funny coz all the adults who took part never got above 14 so once again it proves the education system works (and the questions were very tough!)

After all this I got home completly knackered at 7pm just in time to relax with dr who (great epotisode) and joseph (the tv show - IM NOT GAY!)

went to bed at 10pm(ish) and awoke this morning in time for church.

Todays highlights were :-

singing happy bday to stace over the phone and learning she doesnt know how to party or celebrate properly (and a bacon sarnie is not a cooked breakfast!)

chatting to Nat and wishing her happy bday etc and learning she doesnt know how to party or celebrate properly

leading a service tonight which went amazingly well (9ppl in congregation yay)

and now I think I will relax and try to switch off for a bit before bed.... roll on wednesday I need a day off!

Stace Happy birthday to you hope you had a goodun#
Nat you got your message so yeah happy bday

everyone else everytime i say comment or text I get about 2 comments and no texts so I wont bother this time and see who comments!

bye for now (I will put photos up when in next blog coz i cant be bothered to do the uploading thing now)

For Nat

Firstly I promised Nat I would write her and her alone a special birthday message so here goes

There was a girl called Nat
who liked to wear ears of a cat
Shed lived 20 years
Didnt like drinking beers
but she looked great in a hat!

(ok very poor lymeric but the point is hope you have had a great bday and you learn how to party before your 21st!)

there you go hope you dont feel left out from the previous post anymore!

confessions and messages to you all.

Ive sinned a lot today

Ive been angry coz someone stopped me working this afternoon because they didnt know procedures which have been in place for 2 years.

Ive been jealous of 2 friends being so close and me feeling so far from them

Ive lusted but I wont go there (actually I better say it was over a car or something or some of you may start thinking dodgy thoughts about me)

Ive thought terrible thoughts about both my parents

Ive been incredibly lazy

and well thats enough confessions for today - feel better now.

obviously this isnt my usual type of blog, mainly coz i actually for once dont have anything new or worthwhile to write.

actually there is a few personal messages for people I want to make:-

Cash - everything ive said in the past is true, and I'm praying that your happy and that you find whatever your looking for.

Lil - Smile and remember your life is yours and Gods not anyone elses. ENJOY IT!

Stace - have a great birthday and make sure that boyfriend of yours forces you to celebrate in style!

Bexy - not sure if you read this blog but if you do remember your a valued friend to so many people and they may not know how to show you how special you are - but that doesnt meen they dont see you as a precious gift!

Margo - I miss our mortal enemy fun and games - those were the days. follow your heart and stop using your head so often!

Pilch - from what Ive heard from others blogs and chat in general your a special guy who touches many lives, would love to get to know you better and actually class you as a friend rather than a friend of a friend.

Ann-Marie - I might not know the answers to the questions we both seem to be asking but I know a man who does, and Im sure hes going to tell us them when the time is right - just praying he hurries up lol.

Teebs - I like you too, especially when sometimes you force me to entertain which in turn has sometimes lifted my mood so thankyou - your great!

Kat - Be assured your a great friend and despite the past our future is a great friendship and I cant wait to visit you to prove it lol.

Everyone else - Thankyou - you comments and texts may sometimes appear to you as just a token gesture but they meen a lot. Please continue to comment and if you have my mobile please randomly text - it proves to me that those I care about aint just figments of my imagination - your all grand and special and I wish you all lived nearer coz id love to have you all around.

night night

(normal services will resume tomoro)

The Cube - for those who requested it

ok first this is the official background of "The Cube" (the cafe I run)

The Cube was created in response to a survey of the town by Harborough Improvement Team (HiT) which identified a lack of provision for young people in the 14-18 age group.

The churches in town agreed to set up ‘the Cube’ (initially named ‘the Source’) to be overseen by a Supervisory Board made up of the youth workers or representatives from the main eight churches in the town.

The café is managed by young people, volunteers and Matthew Moreton (full time youth worker) and is based on Christian principles including the value of the individual, the importance of relationships, tolerance and respect for one another and the free and open discussion of different views and opinions. It seeks to provide a safe & secure environment in which young people can relax and enjoy themselves. Provision will be made for discussing any issues raised by young people and support given for organising their own events and activities. The Cube motto is ‘Live life, love life & learn from life’ and expresses the aim of supporting and equipping young people in getting the most out of their lives.

The Cube is open to everyone aged 14-16 and to 16-18’s who are not in full time employment. Since opening “The Cube” has reached on average 120 young people each week (including repeat attendees) with a wide mix of youths from many different backgrounds.

so thats the official stuff out the way, basicaly my job is to run the venue and stop it just being a cafe and make it youth work. Sometimes I fail sometimes I succeed. Any questions ask away but i really am not sure what to say about the cafe so yeah thats the work stuff gone I may write a proper blog or I may go to bed!

procrastinating

procrastination is a great word isnt it. I meen just the way it is spelt and sounds sums up exactly what it meens. It takes ages to say, even longer to work out which letters go in which order, and by the end of it you have forgotten what it is your trying to put off anyways.

Well thats officially what I am doing here and now, Im putting of things.

What am I putting off, well like I said above I cant actually remember. I know I have a stall for our carnival to sort out by Saturday, I know I have posters to design and print for Saturday, I know I have a press release to write, for yesterday, I know I have reports to write for no idea when, and I know I have publicity to send out for ASAP. But ask me what Im supposed to be doing now and I couldnt tell you.

Last night I was told I was disorganised and I laughed and said yes I am, but my disorganisation is what gets my work done! The thing is its not just in work that Im disorganised its my life as well.

Ok Im single, 26 (27 on August 24th by the way) years old, live on my own, rent a house, have an "interesting" job and whilst I have debts its below the national average (about £3-5000). But how do I live my life, well - and this wasnt planned but just as I wrote that last line a song popped into my head which sums up how I live currently (some words changed to suit me better): -

I get up when I want, except on Tuesdays, when I get rudely wakened by the dustmen.
I put my trousers on, have a cup of tea, and I think about leaving the house.
I feed the young people, I sometimes feed the elderly too. It gives me a sense of enormous well-being.
And then I'm happy for the rest of the day,safe in the knowledge there will always be a bit of my heart devoted to it.

Incase you didnt know the song is parklife by Blur.

so yeah where were I? (I talk proper!) ah yes my disorganised life - well its got me thinking and wondering (are they the same thing?) is having a disorganised life a bad thing? does it autmaticly mean your life is going to be messy? if life gets organised does it meen Id lose my udentity?

I like sleeping in, I work better under pressure (aka at the last minute), I prefer to wake up and say "im going to the theatre today!" than to plan a day out for weeks.

Im not sure where Im going with this blog, and maybe thats the point of it - that I dont know where Im going false stop.

im 26 years old - I know Im getting older - so thats clear and tidy, and organised but I have no choice there do I?

Im single - Well Ive had relationships and theyve failed, Im told Im not ugly (altho I dont believe them) Im told I have a good sense of humour/personality etc so I guess my disorganised life may contribute to this - or i must be doing something else wrong, just no body tells me what lol

Im in debt - I am slowly getting myself out of it, but then I do something like decide on a holiday etc and get back into it - again lack of planning leads me into the deep.

so yeah - im not depressed or down just reflecting on my disorganasation as part of my procrastination and wondering if I should change or whether changing is even possible or whether making a change is something i should put off til tomoro.

what do you think? I cant be the only one who is thinking this can I?