This time last year I was engaged - the person who I was engaged to is moving in with her current boyfriend tomorow.
how do I feel about this? well I feel weird. Shes sort of still a friend, although shes one of those friends who I dont really like that much - you know the ones, you all have them, but you never admit it! Im glad things didnt work out, coz she was not (and posibly is not) as nice a person when you get to know her as she appears. She treated me like dirt, used me for all she could get, and basicaly kept playing games for a long time - even after we split up. So why does it remotely bother me that shes moving in with someone else?
If I was speaking to someone else and they were saying all this Id reply - coz she was a big part of your life, you thought she was going to be with you til death so its natural to feel weird. Id also say your better off without her. and well yeah bascialy I know all this. So why do I still feel a pang of jealousy - not coz I havent got her - I dont want her - so why?
I think its mainly to do with the fact that a year is a long time and it annoys me that the "evil" (sorry only word i can think of to be polite) person has moved on and got a new guy, getting a new house, is apparently in love and is seemingly happily forming a great family life (yes I know i cant truely know whats going on). whereas I am almost in the same situation as I was a year ago. Without going into the whole thing and all my past romances etc it does make me think that the nice guys finish last idea is actually true.
my last post (written about an hour ago) was me trying to get myself looking at the positives of the future, and thats what im trying to do but in the back of my mind theres these small things nigling at me :-
am I too nice/too much of a pushover to ever be more than a friend?
am I destined to be the pick up guy - to pick people up after bad times until they get back on track and can find someone who they really want?
how come in a year for me nothing much changes but for others everything does.
im not down, more annoyed that this stuff stops me truely trusting people, annoyed that when people talk about love I dont think its possible to be real, and annoyed that im still bothered by an ex who i dont love or like.
anyways moans over ignore me!
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2 comments:
*ignores Morety as requested*
That will teach you to ask people to ignore you! :p
Listen to your own advice! It makes sense!
I know this feeling your going through, and I think a lot of other people have felt it too. You can't understand whats bothering you. Most people would prefer to be the first person who truly moves on from a relationship. Its only natural.
Your not the only one to feel like this and you won't be the last. Everything will begin to make sense again and you won't care if she's living with someone else or if she's going to the moon.
Keep you chin up and keep talking to God :-)
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