letting go

A strange thing happened to me this weekend.

Now to fully understand this I have to go into a long story and as its now 1:38am Im not going to go into a long story so you probably wont understand it but oh well, no one reads this anyways so it doesnt matter does it!

Basicaly in church for the last 3 Sundays they have been doing a series on blessings and curses. This isnt a subject I'm a huge fan off because some Christians blame every bad thing on curses and forget that some people just make bad choices. I remember when i was younger I spoke to someone and said "nothing good ever happens to me, everything touch goes wrong" or words to that effect. The answer was "maybe your cursed, shall I pray for you to be freed from it?" now i was about 14 - I will leave it up to you to decide what i thought of that suggestion.

Anyways back to the present....

This Sunday was the final Sunday of the series and the theme was how to break curses and ensure blessings (or words to that effect). now Im not one to spiritualise every little thing in my life, but my story starts on Saturday night.

I went to a party and left it early in order to get a goods night sleep before church, i didnt event drink much. I got home, went to bed and then had the worst night sleep since I moved to Liverpool. I heard noises outside my window which kept me awake, I randomly felt really ill, every time i fell asleep something woke me up, and if i said i had about 2 hours sleep id be exagerating.

Sunday morning I felt very rough. I was so close to not going to church but I had a job to do which meant I had to be there, but I felt shocking. I got to church and felt even worse, I was coughing, and at one point I was sure I was going to be sick.

The worship began and I just kept feeling like I should leave but something was telling me I had to stay. The opening worship took place and did my job and went back to my seat and more worship took place and then there was the sermon. Now I cant honestly say I can tell you much about what was said but basicaly during it memories of the last nine years kept popping into my head.

Depression
parent issues
Fear of love
Fear of being hurt
Fear of being me
etc etc

all these and more kept coming up and I felt God say "today you will be healed" Now again I must say this is weird for me because many of the above are things I dont think of as major issues but at the same time I know they are.

But the main thing came after I felt God say this I suddenly became really scared.

What if I let go of all of these things and am healed and freed from the binds of past curses etc? who will I become? Will I still be me? Will I still be a good youth worker? and more questions just flowed into my head.

I know it sounds silly but in reality Ive always believed that the things i have gone through have made me who i am and the fear I had was that letting go of my past will change my present and so mess up my future.

I struggled with all of these questions and listed all the things I believed God wanted to heal and the reasons why I didnt want to let them go (in my head) and cried a few times whilst hoping no one noticed. Then Pastor said we were going to have a time of prayer ministry and anyone who wanted to be freed from things should come forward etc etc.

I stood there and watched and ignored my instincts and just sang more worship songs as people went forward but eventually I went forward and joined the big crowd and was eventually prayed for.

Now I believe that God done something to me on Sunday and I believe I am free of my pasts burdens and curses etc and am healed of depression because of Jesus. I beleive Satan was throwing everything in his power to stop me gettign to church on Sunday to stop me being ministerd to by God, but he didnt stop there. Even after the service I felt even sicker in the evening and doubts started coming into my mind. But when I awoke the next morning I knew that I was a free person because of God and whilst the devil will try to fool me the person I will listen to is God.

So whats my point? Im not actually sure.

I guess Im saying Gods amazing and dont forget it!

I guess Im saying God heals, dont let the devil stop it happening!

I guess Im saying dont be scared to let go!

I still have the devil (even as I type) whispering "what if youve lost you ability as a youth worker with it" but I am not prepared to listen because Gods on my side.

Not every bad thing is down to curses
Not every sickness is down to curses

God promises us all blessings so to each of you I say "God Bless you!" and pray that he heals anything in your lives that need healing, I pray that any curses or binds which are in your life (including those you dont know off) are broken in Jesus name.
Amen

God is good - enjoy his freedom!