moretys rants and raves

10 years of youth work

2011-07-31T19:56:00.002+01:00

10 years ago I graduated!

That is very very very scary, especially as it means I've been a full time youth worker (type of person) for 10 years now, and that scares me even more as in 24 days i become 31 and I'm currently going through "the change".

which change i hear you ask....

well (whispering it quietly) I'm ready not to be a youth worker any more.

I've loved every minute of my 10 years - even the bits which i didn't like at the time, and the young people I've had the honour to work with (and there are many) have been an important part of my life - i still pray for every one of them regualry, still check up on them on facebook to make sure im still a little updated, and well lets just say I miss everyone of them regualry from those from the church on the Hill in Sanderstead (my first full time job), the the Cube gang in Market Harborough, and the youth of Temple of Praise and Liverpool Lighthouse past and present.

when I moved to Liverpool I always saw myself as a youth worker - it was my definition - my identity - my career. Slowly since then my skills and abilities in other areas have been developed by God and I have fought him every step of the way.

The time I was told I was not going to be doing the church youth anymore I fought against it, only to see myself having other doors open to me.

The time I was told I was being promoted to a managers post and would not be doing any face to face youth work - I fought and pointed out I was a youth worker not a manager, and then ended up managing and enjoying it and becoming qualified in level 6 management and leadership at the same time.

The time I was told I was splitting my time between youth work and fundraising I fought against it as I was a manager and a youth worker not a fundraiser - etc etc

well now I'm finally realising what I've been told many times before.

I'm not a youth worker!

I'm not a manager!

I'm not a fundraiser!

I am a man with huge God given potential! That potential will be achieved - and the journey starts here!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not quitting my job - I will still be working at Liverpool Lighthouse and unless God has other plans I will still be doing youth work - HOWEVER, I will not be defining myself as a youth worker.

as for the future, I'm not sure what but I know God has great things in store for me.

I believe that I will (within the next year) have my own business - having developed some of the ideas that I am currently developing. (probably part time - evening and weekend type of thing)

I believe that I will be progressing and growing personally, spiritually and financially.

I believe God is leading me into a new ministry, and now is the time he is getting me ready for whatever the call is.

Every time I've been called to something I've fought against it - God this is me saying I'm ready and willing for the next call - and I'm waiting for your time.

anyways for now, thanks for reading - pray for me if you are a prayer

BUT

don't just think about me, think about yourselves - what are you called to be? what is your potential? and do you need to lose a label?

Tragedy - wheres God in this? RIP Lee

2010-02-13T09:27:00.002Z

Yesterday a very dramatic incident happened at my church and the place that I work which resulted in the death of one of our members who was also a volunteer.

I cant pretend I was very close to Lee, nor can I pretend that he was a big part of my life, but he was a member of my church family, and more than that he was an inspirational one, and his death has led to many asking the question where is God in this?

As I lay here in bed (yes its 9:30am Im lazy) I just cant stop thinking about this question. and this blog is my attempt to get an answer which makes sense to me.

For those who didnt know Lee his story is almost as dramatic as his death. He had turned his life around from one of addictions to one of God. Only in the last two weeks was he stodd up in church saying how much God had transformed his life, broken his addictions, given his life meaning, and how he was so happy for the first time in years. God was definitly in his life, so why now?

Clearly there is no answer to this, Ive used the phrase "we just have to believe" a lot since yesterday afternoon. For some this is enough, for others it sounds like im trying to convince myself and to be honest its a bit in the middle.

I know Lee knew God and I know that hes up in heaven now with a big smile on his face partying it with the angels and the big man himself, probably waving a few flags, dancing a few jigs and generally worship God in a way we he left behind can only dream of.

but the timing and the way he died just seems wrong. He had so much potential, God was using his transformation to help transform others, he had people who loved him, he was a member of a family, why now?

Again i dont know if it was Gods timing or whether he was robbed from us but I do know God will use his passing in a way that ensures his life wasnt wasted.

This sad day has the potential to change a lot of peoples lives and anyone reading this I urge to pray, not just for Lees family buty also for the family of ToP as they grieve, for those who were witnessess and are dealing with the aftermath as they investigate and find a way to move foward, for all the staff at LL many of whom heard the incident and whom still have that sound going through their heads, finally please pray for the future - this kind of incident get investigated and investigations (even when they dont find anything wrong oher than a tragic accident, which will be in this case) change things and so please pray that God uses this as a springboard to the future rather than something that holds his plans back.

As i said at the start I wasnt best mates, I spoke to him regulary but thats about it but his death is like a death in the family. But i have to believe God will do something good out of this situation. I have to stop trying to understand and just accept that some things I will never understand. and finally I have to see how much of his potential he had already got - the bible calls us to become Gods ambassedors and ine the last few weeks he was probably more christlike than most. Hes with God now, and God will use his death the way he used his life.

please pray.

thanks.

A Fresh start

2009-08-16T14:28:00.000+01:00

I have two of the world’s most valuable possessions. They aren’t rare, you can get them in many shops but they are definitely extremely important and valuable to us. Anyone guess what is under here?

Well you’ll have to wait and see if any of you were right

How many of you have built a bed? I have, more than once, and I have to admit I am awful at it. The first time I ever built one was when I was 20, I had graduated from uni, got my first full time job, moved into my first home on my own, and had brought this really modern wooden bed for my new room. I couldn’t wait to get it up and sleep on it. So heres how It went….

Day 1 – the bed arrives…. I unpack every part of it downstairs look at it all and think great where do I start….. realise I should start by actually putting it together in the right room, so I put everything back into the box and manage to get it into the bedroom, totally exhausted I decide that’s enough for the first day so I sleep on the sofa and continue my building project the next day.

Day 2 – Once again I empty the box, put everything in an ordered fashion on the floor of the room, so that infront of me I have a bed, well lots of pieces of wood which could be anything. I start putting the wood together and half way through realise that my bed is looking less like a bed and more like a wardrobe as I go on, so for the first time I check the instructions (I am a man afterall) and realise I may have gone a little wrong, so I decide to sleep on the sofa again and start again in the morning.

Days 3, 4, 5 and 6 – I go through the daily challenge of banging wood together, tightening and un tightening screws, trying to understand why when the instructions say it should be straight on the floor it always seems to end up at an angle, and ends up with me sleeping on the sofa to start again the next day.

Eventually I realised (im a slow learner) that I couldn’t do that bed on my own, and was lucky to have a friend visiting me for a few days and when he arrived (probably about day 9 in this story) we worked together and this simple task which had taken me days on my own took less than an hour with the two of us working together. A pair of fresh eyes looking at the instructions and a helping pair of hands made all the difference and this impossible task became possible.

You may not be as bad as me at DIY but many of us go through this same routine every day of our lives. We wake up every morning feeling like life is a chore that we just cant get right, we try to sort it out ourselves in different ways. We work hard to distract ourselves only to feel worse when we finish work for the day, we fill the times when we aernt working with distractions like TV, cars, football to stop us thinking only to find when we have a rare moment without those distractions the things we need to think about are still there. We use alcohol, drugs, tobacco, sex, pornography to fool our bodies and our minds into thinking theres nothing wrong, but the effect of these things runs out and we find ourselves needing more and more of these things to make us feel ok.
Then one day a friend turns up with a fresh pair of eyes and he works with us to use the instructions we were given and a helping pair of hands and the impossible task of life becomes possible.

That is what Christianity is about

Christianity is about a fresh pair of eyes in our lives – Gods eyes.

Christianity is about God working with us through the Bible to help us understand the instructions of life a little easier.

Christianity is about God giving us the holy spirit as a helping hand to make living life achievable again.

Or to put it simply, Christianity is about having a fresh start which leads to us achieving a God centred life.

So who is entitled to this second chance? This fresh start I’m talking about? I mean some of us are sat here feeling lonely, feeling like theres no one in this room despite sitting next to someone, feeling like they don’t have a friend to help them.

Well 2 Corinthians 5 verses 14 and 15 tell us “Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.”

It says it two times in order to ensure no one misses it

“Christ died for all”
“He died for everyone”

It doesn’t say “everyone who doesn’t drink, smoke, take drugs” it doesn’t say “everyone with 5 friends or more” it says “everyone” and that everyone includes you even if you don’t feel like it does.

One of the hardest things for some to accept is a gift for no reason, or a random act of kindness. It seems to be that we associate such things as charity, and, certainly in British culture accepting charity seems to feel like weakness. This is one of the reasons its so hard for us to accept and understand the basis of our faith, even those of us who have given our lives to God, and have been in his church for years.

Christ came down and died for you and for me as the ultimate random act of kindness, because he knew we needed help and because he wanted to help. He died so “that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, the will live for Christ”

Again it may help to hear what it doesn’t say

It doesn’t say he died so that you can have a crutch to help you struggle through, it doesn’t say he died so that you will have to go to church and be part of a religion, it says he died so that you:

Receive his new life

Four important words to hear.

Receive – to receive something is to accept it, to open it and to use it for the purpose it is given to you.

At Christmas if you get a brand new kettle and you leave it in the box and never use it you haven’t really received a kettle, you’ve just received a box. You only receive the kettle if you take it out the box and start making tea with it.

Even if you come to church every Sunday without fail, even if you are always listening to worship songs, if you don’t receive the gift God is offering and use it then you’re missing out on the real reason Christ died.

The next word

His – there’s no room for doubt here, its not yours, its not mine, its his.

This means it’s even more valuable. When someone lends you their car, you take care of it because you don’t want to let them down. The gift God offers us is more valuable than any car, and because it belongs to God we need to take care of it.

Taking care of something isn’t about not using it, and not having fun with it though. Its about ensuring the right fuel goes into it, making sure things that damage it doesn’t get too close to it, and making sure it is used enough so it doesn’t get stiff.

New – not recycled, not second hand but new!

Life – the opposite of death

So put these four words together and its true meaning comes out: -

Receive His new life

We need to receive the gift of life, a new life, a life which belongs to God and then we need to fully use that gift of life to achieve its purpose.

This is where Corinthians continues by telling us what this new life means

2 Corinthians 5 verse 16 says “So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.”

This new life means we are different, it means we have a different way of looking at things than other people. We no longer evaluate from a humans point of view – now we evaluate from Gods point of view.

Our new life means we look at the world through Gods eyes, the things that make God happy make us happy, the things that make God sad make us sad. Its important to remember that it doesn’t say we should be judging people, the Bible clearly says do not judge as only God has the right to do this. What this means is that if we see that something clearly makes God sad or angry then we should do our best to avoid it, and to help other people avoid it when guided by God.

To be able to do this we need to know God, and to know God we need to spend time with him, and so this verse of Corinthians is the reason why we must spend time with God in prayer and Bible study.

How can we say we now evaluate others by Gods standards if we don’t ever speak to him or allow him to speak to us? We can’t.

This also goes back to the point made earlier about taking care of something. We have to take care of the gift God gave us, but this isn’t about not doing things, its not about not having fun, its not about not making mistakes, its about making sure we live life with the right fuel, following the right directions, and with the right target being headed for.

Our fuel is time with God, we must spend as much time with God as we can, and definitely more than we do on things like TV and internet (as hard as that is)
If (as I have been sad enough to be doing recently) we spend an one or two hours on face book ploughing pretend farms and only spend half an hour with God what is actually fuelling you?

Our direction is the Bible, or to reuse the over used phrase “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth”. We need to know and understand what God says about things if we are to think like Him.

Our target is, according to 2 Corinthians 5 verse 20, to be Christ’s ambassadors so that others can see God through us and so that they may want to find out more and receive Gods gift as well.

Its not easy, but that’s why we are reminded that Jesus did this exact same thing for us first and now he is appealing to others through us.

All of this is fine, except life isn’t easy, life isn’t perfect, people hurt people, people suffer. There may be people in this church now sitting there feeling no connection to God at all, and they are probably thinking to themselves “yes yes God loves me, yes yes he have his life for me but im still depressed, still in debt, still addicted etc etc wheres God in this situation”.

And to those who may be thinking that I want you to know that God wants today to be the day you wake up, the day you let a friend in to help, the day of your fresh start.

I spoke earlier about how we don’t truly receive a gift unless we use it, and many Christians haven’t truly received Gods gift because we don’t use him the way he wants to be used.
Remember we heard how the new life is His not ours.

Well this means the stresses, the worries, the addictions, the debts, the bullys are his to. He wants you to give him total control over them so that he can take you in the direction he wants to take you.

This is even harder than becoming a Christian because some of us feel like the things we go through are too small to give to God, he gave his life for me, I couldn’t trouble him with such a small thing like this. And others feel the opposite feeling like God has done so much for them on the cross that they cant give him another problem to sort out especially one so big.

God wants you to give him every part of life.

Things you love, things you hate, the good and the bad.

He wants to heal you emotionally and physically.

He wants to take away and deal with everything that stresses you and deal with them his way.

He wants all of this so that you have truly received the gift of His new life.

Under the sheet I mentioned earlier, the valuable items.

Tipex and a rubber.

Two tools which enable us to have fresh starts, but there is a big difference between the two.
Tipex just covers up your mistakes and lets you write on top of them, only when we use a rubber do we really get a fresh start.

We all make mistakes and have things go wrong and sometimes, even as Christians we try to deal with it ourselves and tipex over it ignoring the scars etc that remain underneath the “fresh start”.

What God wants us to do today is let him be the rubber that gives us a real New life,

one where he has control,

where he carries the baggage,

where he takes the stress

where he removes the worrying

where we are free to be his ambassadors

where we are free to live a new life
where we are free

Accept that freedom today.

We are giving you a chance to physically respond to what God has been saying. The band are going to lead us in the song Purify my heart and as it plays if you want to accept and receive God’s gift of a fresh start today we have two prayer stations for you to come to.

At the prayer station we encourage you to spend time with God, just giving him your whole life, the good and the bad, and then wash your hands as a physical sign of a fresh new start with God in control.

Whether you’ve been a Christian for a long time or whether you want to give your life to God for the first time, God wants you to give him control, take that fresh start today.

God knows what this is about!

2009-04-02T13:41:00.002+01:00

Working for christian agencies/churches has always been an interesting challenging experience for many reasons but recently I have been forced to ask the question about how it effects your faith.

before I continue I should say some things: -

I believe God gives us all we need
I believe God doesnt put us in situations we will drown in as he knows what we can cope with and will help us in all situations
I believe God can perform miracles

that being said it is obvious to me that the more work you do for God the more the devil will attack, which can make the work seem harder, which can make your faith stronger - but also can shake your faith to the core.

The Devil can use anything to attack when things are going well, family, friends, sickness, managers, ministers, colleagues, funders, health, addictions, you name it he can use it. This is often ignored or forgotten by people because we know that God can do and use anything, and God is more powerful than Satan.

However it is dangerous not to remember the way the devil attacks, and be prepared for them, especially when in the midst of actively working for God. The Bible says to cover yourself with the armour of God at all times. The Bible says we are given the Holy Spirit to comfort and guide us. this doesnt make it easy tho does it?

Thankfuly we know that God hasnt promised us an easy life, he just promised a life in all its fullness, and a life in all its fullness can only be achieved with the low points and the high points.

The Bible has the low points in them, Joseph being sold as a slave, Daniel being thrown into the Lions den, Disciples being thrown into prison, Jesus being Crucified, and these parts of the stories can leave us feeling like saying "oh great so follow God and all you get is pain and suffering". Then you read the rest of the stories and you realise that the things they went through were used by God to ensure that his plans for the people involved succeded and that the people themselves were ready for what he had in store.

Ecclesiastes says "there is a season for everything, a time for every occupation under heaven" and sometimes the seasons are bad and sometimes they are good, but with God we can guarentee that when you put all the seasons together his plan for our lives will be achieved - on one condition, and that condition is that we keep our eyes on him and follow his directions, even when times get tough.

one of my favourite parts of the Bible is Peter walking on water, and I use it a lot when preaching, its not my favourite because he performed a miracle, its my favourite because Peter sank and Jesus went over picked him up and walked with him. I reckon Peter remembered that moment for the rest of his life for 4 reasons,

he walked on water
he feared for his own life
acknowledged his fear and Jesus helped him overcome it
His faith and trust in Jesus grew

For me this one scene is a step by step guide to how our lives can be when working for God

we make a step of faith - start work, make sacrifices etc etc
things start getting hard, we fear we made the wrong choice, wondering if we are in the right place etc etc
give our fears to God and ask him to help us overcome it
become more secure in our faith and trust in God more

Im about half way between point 2 and 3 at the moment, having so many doubts and worries running through my mind that every little thing has a chance to be used by the devil, and my own shortcomings, addictions, issues seem to be popping up more. But, as I write this, I realise something, and that something is that because of these things I am growing closer to God, and whilst Im along way from being the perfect holy spirit filled, tongue speaking, Gospel spouting Christian God is moulding me into what he wants me to be.

Only God knows how long I will be in my current situations

Only God knows what will happen next

Only God knows how long I will be on this earth

But those statements give me so much more assurances, because I know God knows, and God knows best so I can concentrate on enjoying my life, whatever the season, so that when me and God sit down for a pint on a cloud in Heaven I can say "thanks for the good time you gave me", and he can respond, "thanks for enjoying the journey"

so does working for a christian agency effect your faith, yes, but so does everything you do.

Lifes a journey, go with it, enjoy it, coz with God as your Guide it wont be boring!

What is the meaning of life?

2008-09-19T16:29:00.000+01:00

We all spend our lives trying to work out which way to go, and as a man it’s even harder, because we men hate to ask for directions. We would rather spend two hours driving in circles than stop the car and ask someone how to get somewhere. My dad used to say “we are not lost – I just don’t know where we are!”

What does this have to do with anything? Well I want to tell you something, and that’s that some of us in this room are lost, and some of us don’t even know where we want to go, let alone how to get there. But I have good news for you, and that’s that not only can I tell you where you should want to go I can even tell you how to get there.

But before I tell you anything I thought Id tell you a bad joke.

A vicar was arriving at a small village church once and he had an important letter to post, he saw this young lad and asked where the nearest post office was. The boy told him the directions and so the vicar thanked him and said, "If you come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven." "I don't think I'll be there," the boy said. "You don't even know your way to the post office."

So lets start at the beginning… where are we going? Or put in the way that is used a lot more – what is the meaning of life?

This question is a question asked by everyone at some point in their lives, and many people say there is no answer to this. Well I have to tell you that those people are wrong, and you don’t even have to look very far to find the answer.

God created us in his image, and he created us to look after the world he created and to be best friends with God. When the earth was created everything was perfect, he was an artist who had put every little detail in place so that the earth was the exact way he wanted, every tree, every stream, every animal. He could have kept all of this too himself, his own private universe, but he wanted to share it, he created men and women, and he created them in his image and then he said “Fill the earth and Govern it!”

From the moment man and women were created God gave life meaning. That meaning can be summed up by one simple word. Love.

We were given the task to love the earth he created and to look after every part of it.
We were given the task to love each other and to look after each other.
And we were given these tasks because God loved us and wanted to share with us the perfect world he created.

So what happened, why is the world not still the perfect place he created?
Why is there more hate in the world than love?
Why is it that there is so much hurt in the world, with people beating people up and in some cases killing people for fun?

The answer to these questions, and the many others I could ask is amazingly simple, we forgot, ignored, and lost contact with the very thing that gave our lives meaning.

We all know the story of what happened. God gave one small rule, and even told what would happen if that rule was broken “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden—17 except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.”

No tricks here, No room for misunderstandings – a nice clear “if you do this you will die!” if only the story ended here, but it doesn’t does it!

Before I move on let me remind you what we had.
We had a relationship with God where we could walk and talk to him about anything
We had Gods trust and had been given the responsibility of looking after his perfect creation
We had a life with meaning – with love at its centre.

So the devil got involved and whispered
“That piece of fruit you’ve been told not to eat looks really tasty doesn’t it!”
“That piece of fruit looks so much nicer than the others!”
“Gods messing with you, hes keeping the best to himself!”
“Go on eat the fruit – you know you want to!”
“If you eat the fruit you won’t die!”
“If you eat the fruit you will be like God and know good and evil!”

Let’s face it, when something is whispered it’s so much louder and much more convincing and tempting, and yes the fruit was eaten. God was disobeyed and the result was death.
We lost the relationship with our, still perfect creator
We lost Gods trust
His creation was no longer perfect and so looking after it would be much harder

(smash glass)

Life’s meaning was shattered and we were doomed.

This time we have to be glad the story doesn’t end here.

Even though we disobeyed God and lost the very reason he had created us, which meant we were living life with no meaning, he still loved us and wanted the close relationship back.

He gave us some simple and clear laws to show us how far we were from him and to show us what we had to do and promised that if they were followed some of that meaning, that loving relationship, would be back, but we all know what happens when us stupid humans are told not to do something, we do the opposite and keep messing up.

Why did we keep messing up? Because we were searching for the meaning of life and ignoring God when he tried to point out what the real meaning was.

This left God with one option, that of punishment.

Before I continue lets have a quick recap, in-case I’ve lost you.

The meaning of Life is Love
Love of each other
Love of the world
Love of God

We messed up and life lost meaning

God wanted to give our lives meaning again but we ignored him.

Nice and simple, and it does help us to understand the world that we live in.

Over 70% of children and young people say they don’t fill loved.

People search for love wherever they can get it, with many doing whatever they can to make sure they don’t lose it when they think they have it.

The top reason for people drinking alcohol, smoking, taking drugs, having sex for the first time is often “I was scared they wouldn’t like me or love me if I didn’t!”

We were created to love and be loved, but because we have forgotten this and have lost this we have a hole in our lives. Most people know it is there, we try to fill it with so many things.

We try drugs and alcohol in order to forget that something’s missing, or to give our lives meaning, but these things destroy our lives even more and the hole get bigger and we need more to fill it, and the hole gets bigger so we take more, and then eventually all we have is the drugs and alcohol – every part of our lives becomes about getting a hit or a drink. We wake up, take a drink or a smoke, get dressed, take a drink or a smoke, eat lunch, take a drink or a smoke etc. It is no longer about filling a hole and making life easier it is about not being able to live without it and is infact the reason we live.

Its not just drugs or alcohol, it could be sex, work, money, football. I’m sure there are hundreds of things that people use in order to add meaning to their lives, but I want to tell you it simply and bluntly – we don’t need these things because they will never satisfy us!

The only thing that will satisfy us and make our lives the way they are meant to be is love – love of God, each other and the world!

You may be feeling lonely at school, work or at home – with God you always have someone and he will never leave you.

Your family may sometimes hurt you and you may not feel loved by them – with God you are always part of his family, and he will always love you.

Your friends may only seem to like you when you do things you don’t thing you should do – God will always be there for you and will never ask you to do anything that will harm you!

You may be jumping from one addiction to another trying to block out how you feel by using drugs, alcohol, sex, work, whatever – God is the only thing which will truly make things better.

The meaning of life is love

And the place we should want to go is back to God.

Earlier I said I was going to give you directions to how to get there, but before I do here’s another bad joke.

Two nuns were travelling through Europe in their car. They got to Transylvania and were stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly Dracula jumps onto the hood of their car and scratches the windshield!
"Quick, quick!" shouts the first nun, "What shall I do?"
"Turn on the wipers, that will get rid of this abomination," shouts the second.
The nun switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and hisses at them loudly!
"What shall I do now?" shouts the first nun.
"Switch on the windshield washer, I filled it with Holy Water when we stopped in the Vatican!" says the second.
Dracula steams as the water burns his skin, but somehow manages to hang on. He hisses at the nuns even louder now!
"Now what?" screams the first nun.
"Show him your cross!" replies the second.
So the first nun rolls down the window and shouts: "GET OFF MY HOOD YOU STUPID IDIOT!!!!"

God knew we deserve to be punished for the way we were living. He had given us simple and effective rules to guide us back to him, we ignored them, we had turned his perfect creation into a world falling apart at its seams. But God still loved us.

The bible says it simply like this “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life”

God loves us so much, and wants us to live our God given lives so much that he gave up his own son’s life so that we can live!

Its hard for us to understand why God does this, because we live in a world where love is something we can easily throw away, parents choose to leave their children, husbands choose to leave their wives, love doesn’t matter other than when something is wanted.

With God, and the love that gives our lives meaning, it’s different. This is a love which will always be there.

God looked at the world he created, the people he made and loves it, even though he doesn’t like what we do. Because of this love he wants us to experience life the way he meant it.

We needed to be punished but he wanted to give us one last chance, because he loves us so much. His solution – to send Jesus to be punished for each one of us! He was sent and died for you!
Even if you were the only person that existed he still would have sent Jesus – because he loves you!

He wants to have a relationship with you!

He wants to give your life meaning!

He wants to replace the addiction you have with love!

He wants to hold you when you cry!

He wants to share your problems!

He wants carry you when you get tired!

He didn’t do this in order to create a religion, to get you to come to church on Sunday. He did this because he wants to give your life a meaning and he wants a relationship with you the way it was originally – where we walk and talk to him, and where we look after the world he created.

Gods done his part – he’s taken the punishment so we don’t have to BUT there’s one thing we need to do, we need to accept the sacrifice and offer him back our life in return.

If you go to hug someone and they just stand there it is not a hug.

If you go to kiss someone and they turn away the kiss doesn’t happen.

If you don’t accept the sacrifice made for you, say sorry for the things you have done wrong, ask for help to stop doing things wrong, and then (with Gods help) try to change the way you live then it’s a wasted sacrifice.

Today you have an amazing opportunity to change your life and to give your life a meaning.

You have an opportunity to fill the hole you have in your life with the very love that you were created for. Don’t pass up the opportunity, start living today.

The meaning of life is the opposite to death.

God wants a relationship with you today, accept it.

Let’s Pray

Lord thank you that you love us no matter what we do
Fill our lives with that love today so that our lives have meaning again
Speak to each of us and reveal you love to us personally.
Remove any addictions we have in our lives so that we can see you clearer
Take control of our lives whether the first, second or hundredth time

Amen

letting go

2008-04-22T01:37:00.003+01:00

A strange thing happened to me this weekend.

Now to fully understand this I have to go into a long story and as its now 1:38am Im not going to go into a long story so you probably wont understand it but oh well, no one reads this anyways so it doesnt matter does it!

Basicaly in church for the last 3 Sundays they have been doing a series on blessings and curses. This isnt a subject I'm a huge fan off because some Christians blame every bad thing on curses and forget that some people just make bad choices. I remember when i was younger I spoke to someone and said "nothing good ever happens to me, everything touch goes wrong" or words to that effect. The answer was "maybe your cursed, shall I pray for you to be freed from it?" now i was about 14 - I will leave it up to you to decide what i thought of that suggestion.

Anyways back to the present....

This Sunday was the final Sunday of the series and the theme was how to break curses and ensure blessings (or words to that effect). now Im not one to spiritualise every little thing in my life, but my story starts on Saturday night.

I went to a party and left it early in order to get a goods night sleep before church, i didnt event drink much. I got home, went to bed and then had the worst night sleep since I moved to Liverpool. I heard noises outside my window which kept me awake, I randomly felt really ill, every time i fell asleep something woke me up, and if i said i had about 2 hours sleep id be exagerating.

Sunday morning I felt very rough. I was so close to not going to church but I had a job to do which meant I had to be there, but I felt shocking. I got to church and felt even worse, I was coughing, and at one point I was sure I was going to be sick.

The worship began and I just kept feeling like I should leave but something was telling me I had to stay. The opening worship took place and did my job and went back to my seat and more worship took place and then there was the sermon. Now I cant honestly say I can tell you much about what was said but basicaly during it memories of the last nine years kept popping into my head.

Depression
parent issues
Fear of love
Fear of being hurt
Fear of being me
etc etc

all these and more kept coming up and I felt God say "today you will be healed" Now again I must say this is weird for me because many of the above are things I dont think of as major issues but at the same time I know they are.

But the main thing came after I felt God say this I suddenly became really scared.

What if I let go of all of these things and am healed and freed from the binds of past curses etc? who will I become? Will I still be me? Will I still be a good youth worker? and more questions just flowed into my head.

I know it sounds silly but in reality Ive always believed that the things i have gone through have made me who i am and the fear I had was that letting go of my past will change my present and so mess up my future.

I struggled with all of these questions and listed all the things I believed God wanted to heal and the reasons why I didnt want to let them go (in my head) and cried a few times whilst hoping no one noticed. Then Pastor said we were going to have a time of prayer ministry and anyone who wanted to be freed from things should come forward etc etc.

I stood there and watched and ignored my instincts and just sang more worship songs as people went forward but eventually I went forward and joined the big crowd and was eventually prayed for.

Now I believe that God done something to me on Sunday and I believe I am free of my pasts burdens and curses etc and am healed of depression because of Jesus. I beleive Satan was throwing everything in his power to stop me gettign to church on Sunday to stop me being ministerd to by God, but he didnt stop there. Even after the service I felt even sicker in the evening and doubts started coming into my mind. But when I awoke the next morning I knew that I was a free person because of God and whilst the devil will try to fool me the person I will listen to is God.

So whats my point? Im not actually sure.

I guess Im saying Gods amazing and dont forget it!

I guess Im saying God heals, dont let the devil stop it happening!

I guess Im saying dont be scared to let go!

I still have the devil (even as I type) whispering "what if youve lost you ability as a youth worker with it" but I am not prepared to listen because Gods on my side.

Not every bad thing is down to curses
Not every sickness is down to curses

God promises us all blessings so to each of you I say "God Bless you!" and pray that he heals anything in your lives that need healing, I pray that any curses or binds which are in your life (including those you dont know off) are broken in Jesus name.
Amen

God is good - enjoy his freedom!

Is it just me?

2008-03-28T07:51:00.002Z

Today I begin my first proper break from work since starting my new job in January. I do not have to do any work until Wednesday. I dont have to get up early, to do any planning, or anything associated with work! so.....

why did I wake up at 4:30am this morning with lots of work issues running through my head?
why did I at 6:30am decide the only way I was going to be able to relax is if I finished a funding bid off and so proceeded to finish it and send it off?
why am I trying to find things to do which will remove the temptation to pop into work to just check out a couple of things, just in case?

I have never classed myself as a workaholic, certainly most who know me off line would say im the opposite, so why is it so hard for me to stop and remove myself from work at the moment?

is it just me that has this problem?

While I'm at it I have some more questions: -

is it just me who finally finds people who want to spend time with him off line and as such finds a "social life" and then doesnt have the time to actually spend time with the aformentioned people?
is it just me who has lost many on line friends because of lack of time or energy to be online, but also have found other people have "disapeared" themselves and now seem un-contactable?
Is it just me who has lost the passion for the internet but at the same time cant leave it alone (hense the blog)?

For those of you who still read these blogs heres a quick update on my life: -

Works going well but is very stressful, with the old adage of "youth work being easy if it wasnt for the adults" being as true now as it ever was!
social wise Ive attended 2 wine parties and hosted one dinner party in the last month - which is more social action than i had for the previous 6 years lol
house wise im planning on using my few days off to get it sorted, 3 months after moving in!
holiday wise im planning on taking 2 weeks off in April to go abroad somewhere hot - if anyone wants to go with me let me know (seriously!)

so thats it for now.

No promises of regular blogs, bo promises of being online more often, basicaly nothing at all!

does anyone else think this was just anouther waste of time, or is it just me?

well January was busy.....

2008-02-03T22:39:00.000Z

This month has been a weird and busy one.

Obviously, as you know, I started a new job in Anfield (Liverpool) but on top of that Ive had a house to get sorted, football to go and watch, and a life to lead.

My job has started and seems to have never stopped. Basicaly I have been getting to know the area and the young people of the area, working with them to make plans for a youth programme, suggesting the programme to the leaders of the church and the agency, re-writting the youth programme after heated discusions about some of the programmes (mainly to do with timings), working on the streets to get to know the local youths who do not attend current activities, and finally making plans to launch the programme (which starts next week). Ive done all this and more this month but you get the picture.

Theres been frustrations and theres been joy and excitement, and I am 100% convinced I have made the right decisions in moving here and doing this job and am pleased with how this month has gone.

House wise the gas situation finally got sorted on the 9th of December, although the issue never seems to fully disapear - but I wont go into that now. The house is half way to being home. I finally put my bed together and so am no longer sleeping on my sofa. every room still looks messy as I basicaly have no time to get my teeth into sorting it out, which is very annoying as I want to start inviting people round and turning it into a proper home - but I'l get there eventually.

Ive been to 4 liverpool matches since I moved here, so that has been good, even tho liverpool are not exactly playing brilliantly at the moment.

Spiritually its a bit weird at the moment, church is great, the 2 hour services go quicker than any of the 1 hour services Ive been to recently and the pastor is an amazing man who speaks real sense both spiritually and in other parts of life.

Ive also been rewarded by God for taking the risk of following his path and taking a pay cut to change jobs. Basicaly when my grandad died last year he left my dad some money and after Christmas my dad told me and my brother and sister he was giving us £1000 each from Grandads money for us to use to have fun in his memory. I then recieved £600 back from British gas for overpaying bills, £210 back from the council for overpaying council tax, my landlord has said I would have the whole of January rent free and so saved £375 and there was one or two other small amounts of money which have arrived unexpectably. This all adds up to about £2200 and when put together with rent savings of £100 a month it meens my pay £3000 a year pay cut has been completely payed off. Thank You God!

So why did I say things spiritually have been weird? Well I'm struggling to get my head around some issues from my past which will effect my future and still sometimes start thinking about how I am 27, single, living alone, still isolated sometimes etc and sometimes this makes me resent the fact God has called me to be doing the work I do. But thats only some times so dont let that fool you, I definitly feel closer to God than I have done for a while.

Other issues I have at the moment which no matter how much I tell myself to forget about it wont go away, is things happening at my previous job since I left. Basically I was recently told by someone that since I left my name is mud due to things I did and didnt do whilst I was running the place. I dont pretend I ran the place perfectly and I know I made mistakes but it worries and annoys me that I hear that my succesor has started to go beyond questioning the ways I did things and things I didnt do for whatever reason and has now started basicaly accusing me of lieing about things because shes having more issues in here first couple of months than I did in 3 years. I know it shouldnt bother me but all I have is my reputation and for that to be questioned to the extreme of me being called a liar really hurts, especially as I cant defend myself because they are being done in such a way that in theory I shouldnt find out shes making them.

but anyways.....

Please pray for all of the above, especially about the next 2 weeks which is the biggest challenge Ive had for a while.

Anyways enough about me... hows you? what have I missed?

I should be working but..... (and new years resolutions)

2008-01-03T16:39:00.000Z

Well today is the 2nd day of my new job, and the 3rd day of the new Year so it really is time I should blog, the problem, as Ive read so often on others blogs, is I currently dont have internet at home so am shockingly writing this at my desk when I should be working - shhhh dont tell my bosses.

So where to begin?

The move went well, way back on the 19th December, last year (how time flies) and a lot of great people helped fill a van up with my belongings before my dad drove it up to Liverpool for some more great people to help unpack the van. That all went very smoothly, but then disaster stuck!

(cue dramatic noise)

NO GAS!!!!!!!!!

to cut a long story short it turns out that for some reason Transco had turned the gas supply to the house off from the street, which is a lot more complicated that just turning a switch and meant that it could take 8 weeks to fix. No one was prepared to take the blame for this, Transco say they did it but dont know why they did it but are sure that the reason they did it was a valid reason, British Gas were shocked to find out this has happened and didnt know how to fix it but were sure that it could get fixed, and the Landlord was flabbergasted to have to deal with this whole situation!

It has meant that I havent paid my rent as I have no heating or hot water and thats illegal, so it has saved me money, but its still not exactly a nice thing to happen in the middle of Winter. As of today Transco have promised that it will definitly be fixed by early next week!

Luckily Christmas came up, and so on 24th December I jumped on a train and escaped my nice but cold house for the warm welcome of my mothers, and I stayed there until 1st Jaunary 2008.

So then we reached this year (yes im skipping Christmas and New year as, although they were great and I really enjoiyed them not much actually happened). On the 2nd of January I began my new job as Youth Connect Officer.

I got into work at 9am and was greeted and told someone would be with me soon but just to make myself comfortable and use the computer until someone does arrive. I decided to surf the web and search for other youth agencies in anfield who i should contact, so i used my time wisely. An hour past, then a second and then at 11:30 someone said "are you ok to come to a meeting tonight where we are planning the next years programme for youth work" I asked the time and the reply "I dont know yet" came. they left and I sat there still with no work, no knowledge of what I was supposed to be doing, but with a meeting to go to where I was planning my years worth of work. This was going to be interesting.

I left work at 3pm and discovered the meeting was at 8pm and so went and done a bit more housework and watched TV then went to the meeting. This was very productive, with me getting a real sense that, whilst the work will fill my time up a lot, there is lots of potential for amazing work to take place here.

So far my job is, running and overseeing lots of youth activities (in church and out)
Do detached work
Manage and supervise a careforce worker

and thats just on day 2 so by next week I may be even busier lol

thats all for now, but before I go I should give you my new years resolutions....

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less. Makes me think more.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
6. Stop bringing lunch from home: Eat out more.
7. Get in a whole NEW rut!
8. Spend my summer holiday in Cyberspace.
9. Get further in debt.
10. Don't believe politicians.
11. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.
12. Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.
13. Associate with even worse people.
14. Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.
15. Wait around for opportunity.
16. Focus on the faults of others.
17. Mope about faults.
18. Never make New Year's resolutions again.

Now those I will keep to!

The Christmas Blog

2007-12-27T23:20:00.000Z

How did you spend Christmas day?

Mine began with me waking up at 10am hearing my mum talking to my brother about how she didn't know how she was going to get the house tidy enough to celebrate this year, then she went out and I realised the time and that for the first time ever she hadn't woken me up to ask if I wanted to go to church, which meant that (again for the first time ever) I didn't get to church on Christmas day.

I went downstairs and decided to start tidying the front room and to cut a long story short, when my mum got home we carried on tidying the living room, my brother done the kitchen and my sister the backroom. By 3pm the 3 rooms were tidy and we all felt we had earned our presents and so went into the undecorated living room (again this is the first year that not a single decoration had gone up) and gave out our gifts. We all had agreed that we would not go over the top this year (another first) however we all seemed to really like the small pile of gifts that we received. Mine included 2 DVDs, a mini helicopter, a small table hockey game, a calender thing and 3 yearly bible study things.

My mum then went into the kitchen to put the potatoes etc into the oven (turkey had already been cooked) and by 5pm(ish) dinner was ready and we all went into the dining room and ate our traditional massive Christmas dinner.

After eating 1 and a half roast dinners (we have a family tradition of eating the plateful we had then the "children" refill their plates and see who is last to give up - this year, again for the first time, I was first to quit) We watched Dr who (Kylie was sexy but should stick to singing) and TV etc and that was that.

I wont bored you with boxing day but to be honest it was probably identical without the presents, the tidying or Dr who - which i guess actually suggests it was a day with a huge roast dinner and lots of TV!

Looking back I realise that I probably enjoyed this Christmas more than most as, although we did have a few moments of the traditional arguments etc:-

for the first time in a long time, me my mum, sister and brother worked together to achieve something - even if it was just a tidy house and felt like a family.
Without the tree and tinsel up we didn't have the distractions around us.
Because we all only spent a little we valued our gifts much more than we usually do, as well as the sentiments behind giving and receiving them.
By not going to church I realised that I had missed it, whereas when I go I just ignore it.

Even the cleaning bit of the day has made me realise something, surely cleaning is central to the Christmas story. The birth of Jesus is an amazing story which was the beginning of the most amazing story in the world and to put it simply - the reason for it all is so that we clean up our lives and have God at the centre and everything else in the correct draws. So maybe cleaning the house is the perfect way of celebrating Christmas! (note to mum - if your reading this DO NOT remind me of this next Christmas as whilst its nice in theory I don't want to do it every year - note to other readers - IGNORE that note to my mum I'm going to make sure cleaning is central to Christmas in my future),

In truth maybe this Christmas I have a true message for you, which I feel I have been reminded of :-

Give and receive presents, but value them so that you remember the thoughts behind them even when you cant remember what you gave or were given
Remember the reason for the season - every day not just once a year!
Use Christmas and the new year as a time to clean your soul and get your life with God sorted.

Finally, and most importantly - Whoever your family are, whether 1 2 or 3 parents etc, value them - they will mess up and they will hurt you but they will always be your family and they are a gift from God, even if it don't feel like it when they are with you!

Your my family - IL update you on my move etc when I get the chance.

Merry Christmas and Have a happy New Year

Why church should be like a party....

2007-12-11T23:59:00.000Z

In Nossies blog I discovered that my view of church should be like a party which i expressed in my last blog is one which some disagree with and so I am posting the comment I made in her blog here to explain my views and gather yours.

The reason I believe church should be like a party is that the majority of church goers (in theory but sadly maybe not in practice) are those who know the good news that Jesus brought us and many have responded to that good news!

the Biblical church was and is a gathering of christ followers. It involves worship, teachings, encouragement and more.

SURELY A GATHERING OF PEOPLE WHOM HAVE HEARD AND RESPONDED TO THE GOOD NEWS WOULD WANT TO BE CELEBRATING AND SO CHURCH SHOULD BE A PARTY (i didnt mean to shout there but my comp stuck on caps and when i re-read what I wrote I decided to keep it in capitals)

does this infer or make people believe life will be easy? not in my view! infact I believe a joyful, celebrating church says - life may not go according to my plan but im celebrating that I know there is more to life than this etc etc.

it really depends how you define party does it not? a wake after someone dies is a party, a bday party is a party, a farewell do is a party. Partys come in many sizes and with many styles and so should church. My point is church should be something attractive to people because it is Gods church and God is something people should want in their lives!

does this mean we are not called to be different? no - but thats sort of the point too isnt it? society is full of depression, sadness and lack of love or joy - so if the church is truely called to be different then it should be full of happiness, excitement, love and joy - which in my book makes a pretty good party!

A total update in a long awaited blog

2007-12-04T01:25:00.000Z

The reason I have not blogged for so long is because so much is going on in my life that every time I try to write something i dont know where to start or where to end and so i end up giving up. However the other day I bit someones head off for asking me a simple basic question about my "move and job" because i was fed up of talking about it so I decided I must write it all down so that when asked the questions i can just say "read my blog!" so here goes....

Job information

Last time I wrote I had just had an interview in liverpool, well it went well and they invited me back for a 2nd one during which they informed me that they were definitly offering me the job. I was extremely excited and pleased but used my wisdom to ask for time to pray and concider it.

the next day I asked about the small matter of money and was disapointed to discover that I was being offered a salary which was about £3000 less per year than I am currently on and so wasnt so sure.

I seeked advice from many wise people, some online and some real life/none net friends. Everyone agreed on one thing, that God provides and that if before money became an issue I felt it was right to do then its probably still the right thing to do. So I accepted.

I then had the problem that my current job required 3 months notice and my new job wanted be ASAP. My bosses said I could move earlier as long as something was sorted so that the cube did not suffer. An interim youth worker has now been apointed and so I start my new job on the 2nd January 2008 and will be meeting my current boss tomorow to arrange when I am leaving here.

the job is basicaly (according to my job description) "This is a new post created to engage and befriend young people who frequent the streets of the area and enable them to access purposeful activity in Liverpool Lighthouse and other locations in the area." and as its really hard to say what I will actually be doing I will just leave it as that.

Prayer wise I am very nervous as I havent done detached youth work for a while and am throwing myself into the deep end working with young people who really need help and God. It could be the biggest challenge of my life so far.

Search for a home and "The church"

This weekend I went up to Liverpool to visit the church and experience a sunday service and also to find a home to rent. Well the first bit was easy enough.

The church service was amazing, the friendliness of the people was outstanding with people speaking to me and welcoming me etc etc even before they knew who I was. The service itself was 2 hours long (which for me sounds scarey) and yet the time flew by. I used to have a saying that "church should always be like a party because if thats what heavens like then the church should be like heaven!" and this service really felt like a party. The worship music was a mixture of everything, with people being free to worship how they feel comfortable - I have a pet peave about "happy clappy" churches whos services make you feel guilty if you dont put your hands in the air or speak in tongues etc etc but as I worshipped I really felt God telling me this is my new home and in many other ways I felt challenged like never before in the sermon andwas almost (but i didnt) brought to tears when they spoke so passionatly about the work they do abroad and locally - with no wish for anyone to be praised except for God.

The house hunting was less enjoyable. I found places to look at and yet could not look at them due to staff shortages and other reasons, which meant I actually ended up looking at houses that were not really what I wanted - and trust me when I say if you see a studio apartment for £60 a week its probably not worth even looking at! I guess Il have to go up again soon as time is short and if I dont have anywhere to move to I may be in trouble.

Please pray for God to open a door and find me somewhere to live, and that I fall in love with the house in the same way that I instantly fell in love with my current house.

The Cube

Everyone now knows that I am leaving, and it has been strange as it had led me to see how much of a relationship I actually have with the young people and it has been very moving to hear how many of them say they will really miss me etc. Im sad to be leaving as its not a finished project and the young people are great, but it is the right time, Gods time, and me leaving has resulted in some major decisions in the life of the project (mainly about its future) which I believe will enable for Gods work to be done even more in the towns young peoples lives, so I guess once again I have been reminded how time is Gods not Mans.

I still dont know when my last date is but it will be before 19th December.

Please pray for the work as I try to bring my role to an end and also pray that the new begining for both the cube and its young people goes well.

Christmas

As I dont know where I will be living or when Im moving Christmas planning is proving hard. I am hoping I will go to my mums for a few days but at the back of my mind I have a fear I will end up in an empty home in Liverpool on my own - but its in Gods hands really isnt it!

I am aiming to have a bash on new years eve as a sort of house warming/new years party so if you are free you are invited, just ask for the address (when I have one) and let me know your coming.

Please pray that this party happens, and is well attended and that Christmas goes well (and that I find time and money to get presents!)

Social life

I recently went to London for the day with my mum to see "Avenue Q" a great musical which is slightly ruder than usual but is hilarious - something my mum agreed with - which did suprise me as I thought it may be too rude for her. Go see it if you can - its great!

This weekend I stayed at a friends from uni in Liverpool and it was great to look back at old times. I also managed to get a ticket at the very last minute (2 minutes before kick off) for Liverpool Vs Bolton and what a match 4-0 to Liverpool. I will upload videos as soon as i find the wires.

I must admit socially I feel extremely positive about my future social life as I know a few people in liverpool and surounding areas and also have nothing but nice things to say about the many people I have met and spoken to when I have been visiting. Everything is making me believe that for the first time since university I will have a life away from work and away from the computer!

Please pray all the above comes true!

The internet

I have been neglecting you all, and I am truely sorry. To be honest life is so busy with all of the above I have found myself just wanting to chill without being asked questions about life, without having to chat etc, Im sorry if this sounds harsh as I do see you all as friends but I just needed a break from something and chatting on line was about the only thing I could take a break from.

So thats life, thats why Ive not been online/or have been "hidden" and havent updated my blog. Please pray for all the above and please do ask about things if you want to, and dont take it personaly if I ask you not to ask as sometimes im tired of talking about it.

Remember I love you all, and so does God, and if theres one thing Ive learnt/remembered through all this is that God has a time and sometimes that time isnt when we expect it. This means admiting we dont have total control, which is the hardest thing to do - but when we do it Gods time is revealed and his plan fulfilled.

i think thats everything. Bye for now!

past present future

2007-11-02T17:35:00.000Z

This week has been one of those weeks where the past, present, and future collide to make one heck of a busy and stressful time but also made it a week of reflection.

Some of you know that on Monday I had a job interview in Liverpool. This was for a job working at The liverpool lighthouse doing detached work as well as a bit of church work and also working with excluded young people - so at first glance its full of the type of youth work I love. When you add to it that the agency and church is a church with music central to its work, specificaly gospel you will see that its a job that I would really enjoy. Interview went well and they have invited me back to a second interview this coming Monday.

The interview questions was obviously about me and my past experiences as well as my future and it was very interesting to be forced to look at the decisions ive made in the past and the way that I made them.

On Tuesday it was The Cubes 2nd birthday. An opportunity to celebrate the last 2 years successes as well as launching the next year in style. We had 109 young people in 2 hours who all seemed to enjoy a night of music and food. It was weird to look back and celebrate again whilst thinking about leaving (which most people connected to work dont know about).

Wednesday I went back to Liverpool to watch Liverpool play Cardiff. Whilst this doesnt automaticaly jump out at you part of supporting liverpool is the history of the club and I must admit I couldnt help but remember the moments of happiness that Liverpool has given to me over the years - especially as Robbie Fowler was playing for Cardiff and hes a hero to me.

So yeah lots of reflection over the past week, lots of thinking about the future, but the thing that has made me think most is speaking to friends I havent spoken to for ages. Without divulging names This week I have spoken to friends about marriages posibly failing, Ive spoken to friends who have recently had children and others who are pregnant, Heard from friends who are ill, and Ive heard from people who have never felt closer (and some who have never felt further) from God.

All of this has made me realise a bit more about love and the love of God as well as about life. First Im going to quote a friend who puts it like this....

"I have met my dream man. Most people would call me crazy, but I am sure that you met him, too. Granted, you won't exactly call him your dream man. LOL You might know him... Jesus Christ? For right now, He is all I need. It takes quite a bit to get to that point, but I am finally understanding it bit by bit. It is crazy I must say. I can't live without Him. How do I know? Because I wanted to walk away from it all about a month or two ago. I just couldn't though. I'm realizing what love is. It is much more than the flashy, fun, flirty love that this world knows. I still don't know it entirely, but I am seeing that a lot of this world has NO clue about love at all though. It's amazing to be able to say I love Jesus Christ and know and understand the meaning behind it."

Over all the things I have chosen to do in my life, and through everything that has been out of my control Ive always had the love of God to get me through it and no matter what the future holds this one thing will always be constantly true. People and situations change but God doesnt.

If you are one of the people Ive seen or spoken to this week know this - I will always strive to show as much as Gods love to you as God has to me. I will always strive to be a friend to you when you need it, a guide when you feel lost, a policeman when you need to be told your in the wrong, BUT I cant promise I will always be there for you - God can and will do all of these and more so remember him when you need him.

Im going to stop now coz im slightly melodramatic and your bored. Thanks for readng and please pray for me this coming weekend.

listen

2007-10-25T18:13:00.000+01:00

I was half way through writing a boring blog listing everything thats going on at the moment when I heard a voice say something very deep and meaningfull. It said...

listening can effect your career
listening can even mend a friendship
Ultimatlt it keeps you in the moment so you dont miss the things that really matter

No im not hearing voices or having words of wisdom from God, it was the voiceover on TV programm scrubs but it was something I needed to hear so maybe it was sort of sent by God.

Im desperate for God to reveal to me things about my career as I have 2 job interviews in the next 3 weeks (first one on monday in Liverpool) and need Gods guidance well and truely.

I need to start listening to a few others to help mend some friendshios and or relationships

and I need to stay in the moment and not miss the things that matter.

so yeah this blogs boring but meaningful

are you listening?

latest sermon

2007-10-14T14:34:00.000+01:00

proper blog coming soon but for now can I direct your attention to my other blog which is where I post the sermons that I preach.

my latest one has been posted today, would appreciate comments on the sermons as well so if your feeling spiritual get reading.

the link is in the blog links over there ----->

but for those too lazy to look it is here,

http://moretyssermons.blogspot.com/

Its good to talk

2007-10-11T22:25:00.001+01:00

Today I wanted to phone my grandad.

There was no reason for wanting to call him, other than i wanted a random chat, the type of chat which only he could give me.

Id ring him when I felt lonely or down but didnt want to discuss the reasons, he would just make me forget everything and would make me smile, just by chatting about the life the universe and everything.

For those who dont know (and you should know if you read my blog regulary) Grandad died in August and this is the first time Ive really missed him since the funeral.

I then picked up my mobile and flicked through my numbers and discovered I hadnt deleted his number, so there I was sat staring at my grandads phone number on my mobile half wanting to ring it, even tho i knew he wouldnt answer it.

This got me thinking about the way people communicate now adays.

I always argue that nowadays people communicate more than ever before but in different ways. This is all well and good, however, it means people dont talk to each other any more.

people can and do go a whole day without hearing a persons voice once, and yet could still have "spoken" to lots of people. Chat rooms, MSN, Texts, emails, facebook, blogs etc help to build relationships amongst strangers but is this healthy?

when I was going through my mobile I realised that out of all the numbers I had texted most of them a few times in the past month but had only spoken to about 2 of them.

Theres people I dont hear from in a while so I text them and say hi how you doing etc, but dont ring them.

Theres a question to ask so I text it coz its quicker

the opportunities just to speak to someone are there but for ease we do something quicker.

When was the last time you had a phone conversation about nothing for the sake of having a chat?

who do you ring when you just want a chat about nothing?

we live in a world of communication and yet weve stopped talking to each other. so heres a challenge to you all.

next time you think about sending a text to someone ring them instead.

next time you have some time dont come online ring someone who aint spoken to for a while and catch up with them

and finally remember the bt slogan "its good to talk" and make it a motto to live by.

leave a comment, oh and if you want a chat, give me a call!

The Four letter word

2007-10-09T18:12:00.000+01:00

To some this word is offensive
To others this word is scarey
Some people spend their lives searching for this word
Others spend their lives avoiding it at all costs
Its a four letter word which is used miles too much in society today
But its also a four letter word that has maybe lost its meaning because its been used so much
When its said can spark many emotions
apparently it can even build a bridge
Saying it can make you happy, sad, mad, or glad
Hearing it can make you cry, smile, run, or dance

So what is this four letter word?

L*VE

so why is it that this one word can be the cause of so many confusing emotions, that it can cause arguments, that it can destroy as well as build things?

I believe its because its such an ambiguous word.

What is love?
Is loving someone a choice or a chemical reaction or something else?

The last time I was in love someone told me that they believed love is a choice, you choose to love someone. That choice is sparked by an attraction either to them physicaly or to their personality but it is still a choice, which is why so many people dont ever love someone because they stay waiting for the butterfly effect as a sign.

I dont think I believe this but its an interesting opinion.

The reason for this blog is because Ive realised I over use this word, and I think maybe Christians in general do too. I tell a few people that I love them all the time, and online its even easier to say it without thinking about the meaning of the word. Christians are told to love thy neighbour and certainly amongst younger people this has led to people seemingly so keen on saying i love you or luv ya etc that its no longer as special as it once was.

dont get me wrong I like it when people say they love me, but because i hear it so often I dont end up believing it when told it by people who mean it (if that makes sense).

When I do start to fall in love with someone I stop saying the L word, because I dont want to say it until I can say it with 100% honesty. but this seems a bit backwards to me.

There are people I love because they have earned my love through my life, these people are my family, my best mate Ian and his wife Jen, and finally Lisa. This is type 1 of love.

There are people I love because they have had an important part of my life in a different way to those above but I dont speak or see them that often but I know Il always love them. These are people like Katie (my exs baby), people from my old jobs, and friends from when I was younger. This is type 2 of love/

There are ex girlfriends who I once loved so much (altho may not have been in love with them) and I will always love them in some shape or form. This is type 3 of love

Then theres friendship love. People who are friends, you love them for their friendship and how they are there for you etc. Type 4 of love.

Finally theres the big one, the being in love, the love of your life (if that actually exists) This is type 5 of love.

So theres 5 types of love, which explains why the word is so over used and which explains why its such a complcated word.

For those who have reached this far, well done, i love you!

seriously Im not sure where im going with this, which I guess is a bit like love itself, whichever type of love it is you never know where its going which is why its so exciting when you have it and its so devastating when you lose it!

dont worry Im not in a "I want love now" mood, just thinking about how I use the L word and how I, and other value it.

For future reference I do want to find someone to love with all my heart, but im not sure Im ready at this time for that person. Also if I say "I love you" to you, even in a joking way I do actually mean it but it doesnt mean im after dating you.

Currently theres 2 or 3 of you who I say I love you to, and if circumstances were different I may not say it so much because there may be a danger of me falling in love with you (or am I just leading you on now getting you to wonder, just for the sake of it) but they aernt so anyways.

loves clearly a big issue and ive produced a bigger blog than I thought I would so Il stop now.

Thanks for reading.

Luv Ya

the youth work debate

2007-09-28T00:14:00.000+01:00

Youth work is a profession - I am a professional youth worker
Youth work is a calling - I am called by God to be a youth worker
Youth work is a service - I am here to serve
Youth work is about building relationships - I am paid to be a friend type figure
Youth work is about trust - I am paid to trust the sometimes untrustable and to be trustworthy
Youth work is a ministry - I am part of a ministry, despite being outside the church

I believe all the statements above which is why I studied my degree which gave me the right to call myself a professional. But this naturally leads to some problematic questions.

How can it be a profession and a calling when a profession is traditionally about the money and a calling is not - surely they are at very opposite ends of the line.

Are relationships false if you are paid to make them? does this make youth work prostitution without the sex?

Is it fair to build relationships and become trusted when at some point you will move on to another job?

What makes a profession a ministry?

There's obviously answers to all these questions, but for now I'm not going to give them as Id like to know your thoughts on them, and maybe even make you think a bit more for yourselves.

The reason I ask these is because recently Ive had a spark of interest in one or two jobs which I have seen advertised and I have sent of for information.

no big deal you may think, and certainly the none christian's i have spoken to have asked me a few times when i'm aiming to move onto bigger and better things, the common question youth workers are asked by christian's is "when are you going to move up to ministry".

so people expect you to move on

BUT what about the relationships, the trust, the ministry, the calling which i'm involved in now. I owe the people who employ me a lot for what they've done to me over the past 2 years but that's just one thing to consider.

Is it fair in general for you to build a relationship with a young person (who may never have trusted anyone before) only to say, sorry I've been offered more money elsewhere?

do youth workers actually cause more harm than good by giving the false hope that they will always be there and then run off to a new job etc?

What I don't want to really get into is my future, I will discuss this with people who I trust in person and pray and decide if its right to apply etc or not.

I want this to spark an open discussion about paid professional youth work. the questions Ive asked are just some of them, and again id say I know what I believe the answers are but what about you?

Youth work - whats your views?

Cashew + Margo

2007-09-25T17:28:00.000+01:00

Cashew wheres your blog gone?

Margo let me read your blog!

the end!

decisions

2007-09-24T18:39:00.000+01:00

The future is something most people are scared off at some point in their lives, mainly because you can never know what its going to hold. Star signs, Tarot cards, fortune cookies etc are all used by many people in the hope of getting the slightest hint of what might happen, and in some cases people wont make decision without checking what the stars say just in case they are making the wrong decision.

The Christian response to fearing the future is dont worry about tomorow, trust in God etc etc. This is true, obviously, BUT it doesnt mean we shouldnt think about the future. Sometimes we are given 3 or 4 options to decide between and sometimes its really tough to know which way to go. Prayer is part of the decision process, an important part, but for some it becomes an excuse not to do anything or make any changes etc.

The fact is in many decisions there is no wrong choice in spiritual terms, each path would be doing Gods work, no matter how hard you want and pray for a big arrow saying "This way now!" it doesnt come. You search the Bible and theres nothing against any of the routes, and may be plenty of things going for each route. what do you do?

My answer would be you do what you think youd be happiest doing. If God doesnt want you doing something he will block the pathway somehow, the Bible says he opens and closes doors so thats easy then isnt it?

hmmm I doubt anythings that easy.

whats your thoughts on decisions?
how do you make them?

I have a few tought choices to make soon, mainly about my future, wont say too much on here because some people read these who I dont want to know about those choices yet.

so join the debate people, decisions.... how do you make yours?

Greenbelt - Saturday

2007-08-31T12:46:00.000+01:00

I awoke (as I always do when camping) on the hour every hour but only left my tent at about 7 or 8am to what had to be the loveliest weather ever. In true camping style sausages and bacon were on the menu for breakfast, which seemed to last 2 or 3 hours.

Why is it bacon and sausage sarnies taste so much better when fried in the open air? Is it God teasing us saying - haha your clogging your body up with discusting unhealthy fat but im going to make it taste great!

anyways....

Eventually I left the camp site and went to see an ex vicar called Mark Townsend do a talk called "The gospel of falling down". He gave up the priesthood to do tricks of the mind for a living. He was great, exploring how God uses the pitfulls of life, the phrase that I remember most is how we need to get naked with God, completely strip ourselves of everything in order to have no secrets and be prepared for him to use us, whether we think the things we are going through are good or bad. (he was better at explaining things than me but thats the point that I picked up!)

Next it was time for liquid lunch, yes I did have a pint but thats not why I went, liquid lunch was a panel show where 3 people discussed what had happened in greenbelt so far and recomended future talks etc. One of the panel turned out to be my cousin, so was good to briefly catch up with him afterwards. Theres not much to report on this really, as it seems weird talking about a show which talks about other shows.

After this I arranged to meet a certain Zebedee, aka Martin and his lovely girlfriend Rachel and to watch Matt Redman on stage. Now Im not a huge redman fan, but if you imagion the sun blazing down on me, dressed in shorts and t-shirt, and me laying on the grass eyes shut just listening to worship songs. It was an amazing feeling. Martin and Rachel left because it was so hot but I really felt God stirring me. It was strange, the naked infront of God phrase from earlier stayed in my mind and God brought loads of stuff from my past to my mind. After a while it got to the stage I felt God saying "Go to spiritual direction" so I left Redman and made my way to the area where you could make appointments with the spiritual direction people.

I have got a video of Matt Redman but apparently its too big for youtube, but if you have my facebook you can see it on there.

When I went to the spiritual direction people I met with a guy and had half an hour to discuss anything I wanted to, and a problem occured, I didnt know what I wanted to talk about. It ended up being a pretty emotional half hour with lots of stuff coming to the surface, I must admit Ive pushed it back down again but some of it may have been dealt with.

Next up I had promised a friend called Grace that I would go see the play she was in, and so an hour early I made my way to the venue expecting to be able to get a pint before it started, but there was a huge line already and so I joined it and stood in the blazing heat for ages until they finally let us in.

The show was "Return to the Forbidden planet" and was performed by Faith Hope and Gaffetape, a youth drama group who meet up for a week every summer and do everything in the week, ending with a performance.

The play itself was, ummmm random, it was good, the people involved were really good actors and actressess and most coulod sing pretty well (Grace was amazing - both in terms of the way she looked in her very sexy costumne (cough cough) and the times she sang on her own). The problem was we were sat on the most uncomfortable floor, in a boiling hot tent and the story line was a little confusing. I had to leave before the end as I had arranged to meet my cousin at the Beer tent at 7pm (as I had assumed it would be over by then) so I missed the ending.

Next was the highlight of the weekend, BEER AND HYMNS! This video is taken from Sundays Beer and Hymns but shows what happens.

During this first one (not on video) I sat with my Cousin Murray and a few other people who I hadnt met before. We sang our hearts out and it was the way church should be. Everyone was relaxed (no not drunk) and were just singing their hearts out for the Lord. The best way I can explain what it felt like was like being in a crowd in a football match.

After a couple of pints and all the hymns I explored the stalls around and made my way to see a singer from the band who made my childhood, DC Talk. Kevin Max was amazing and heres 2 videos of him

the day ended at Last orders, a sort of comedy show with a few guests and video clips and it was great.

heres the best video clip from the show that they used, This contains 1 swear word (which was cut out during the show) so do not play those with a nervous disposition!

Overall Saturday was a day where God tried to get me to deal with a few things, and maybe I did, maybe I didnt, I guess we will have to wait and see.

Its a day where I felt challenged to be naked more (hmmmm please get that image out of your minds unless you are a good looking single female and find that image attractive in which case call me!)

Its a day where I was challenged to find someone to help deal with my emotions and get spiritual direction regulary in the future (but this wont happen lol)

and it was a day of worshipping the way it should be - with a beer in my hand!

more Greenbelt reports later but Ive put off work for long enough so bye for now!

Greenbelt - Friday (my bday)

2007-08-30T16:31:00.000+01:00

Friday

I awoke early (6am) to pack and ensure that I had all the essentials.... 2 hours later I began my packing and by 9am I was almost ready, apart for a small matter of not having a cool box or any food. So I make an emergency phone call and borrow a cool box and then go to the shop down the road and spend £40 on food.

Actually thats a little wrong, I spent £10 on food and £30 on alcohol... 6 bottles of wine and a crate of lagers! well it was going to be a long weekend afterall.

My lift to Greenbelt was due at 10:30am so I quickly got home and stacked all my luggage together and waited til they arrived and we made the nice smooth journey, arriving at Cheltenham at about 2pm.

Well I had booked my ticket so had to collect it and the other 3 in the car had not booked so they had to join a different line to me. The line I was in was for the organised people who pre book so naturaly it was shorter WRONG! I waited for over an hour to pick up my paid for ticket whereas the less organised travelers waited for less than half an hour! - the moral of this story is that the world world be a lot quicker if we were all disorganised! honest!

next we got in the car to drive to the campsite and joined the long line of cars waiting for the moment, which gave us the perfect excuse to open a bottle of wine and enjoy the sun while we waited. Small problem - we didnt have any cups, well we improvised byu pouring wine into empty sprite bottles etc and then toasted our journey and my bday.

During the wait we tuned into Greenbelt FM and someone texted them so that they sang happy birthday, which was nice.

Eventually we Got onto the site and set up the tents etc and by the time this was done it was about 6pm. BBQ time. we sat around eating and enjoying the rest that we had earned and drank a few bevys.

Then 3 lovely ladies from Sanderstead (where I used to work) arrived and ate and set up their tents and then gave me my first (and last) bday presents of the day.... an interesting book about being a christian man, some chocolates, and...............some baby food! (the baby food had a story about it and a reason for giving me but i wont go into it here - boring tho, oh and it was possibly stolen!)

We then went into the arms of Jesus.... well technically the organic beer tents title was the Jesus Arms and we had a couple of pints whilst catching up and reading a random christian girls magazine, which was very educational!

we eventually returned to our tents and went to bed.

before I continue with my Greenbelt experience I should thank all who texted me bday greetings, they were much appreciated.

it didnt really feel like a birthday to be honest, coz of all the travelling etc but the day was made great by seeing Roz, Kathy and Mim again so thanks to you 3 for coming and for my only bday presents (lol sympathy anyone)

later I will tell you about the rest of the weekend but Im at work and should really be doing more important things than this.

Videos tribute day

2007-08-14T23:23:00.001+01:00

This is a video of My dad and his brothers and sisters singing Found a peanut which Grandad taught them - this was done at the tribute part of Grandads funeral day (as were the rest of these videos)

The Welsh Moretons singing some sort of anthem

The Welsh Moretons main tribute

All the Moretons singing Bind us together Lord as the final part of the tribute day.

pictures from the funeral

2007-08-14T22:43:00.000+01:00

Cant be bothered to write a proper blog yet but heres photos from the funeral day. Will blog about it - probably tomoro

The Flowers which were to accompoany grandad in the hearse - notice the brilliant drum made completely out of flowers!

Not all the Moretons could make it (due to a criminal vandalising their minibus the night before the funeral so they couldnt come any more) but there was quite a few of us as you can see.

It all took place at a Salvation Army in Woodford, this is a pic of my dad in the pulpit (because he had lost his voice so needed the microphone. Brought back memories!

My part of the Moreton famiy, although my parents are now divorced and I dont see any of them that often it was really nice to see us as a family again.

Then after the tributes were over the Salvation Army people departed for their homes and the non Salvation army Moretons went to their home.... The pub!

A proper more indepth blog will follow in the future but this gives you a glimpse of how the Moretons know how to party no matter what the occasion (videos are next then normal blog)

Grandad - play the drums for me

2007-08-05T15:13:00.000+01:00

Grandad and some of his children, his grandchildren and his great grand children (and this isnt all of them either - he was a busy man lol)

At 9:45am this morning Bert Moreton aka Grandad drums was promoted to glory.

He was an entertainer, an inspirer, a Godly man, he was everything you would want from a granddad.

Music and God were so important to him. His neighbours must of hated it, downstairs he had a record player and an electric piano, up stairs he had a cornet, a drum kit, anouther record player, and various other musical instruments.

I remember sitting at the drums with one of his military records playing very loudly and me drumming along in the way he had taught me, in walks grandad and he starts marching around the room, conducting me and the record and making noises as if he was drumming with his mouth.

No matter how badly the drumming was, how much of a noise it was, he would always say how much rythm it contained and how good I was. The same goes for no matter what of his many musical instruments he was attempting to teach me to play, I wont even mention his bugal horn.

Music is definitly in the blood in the moreton family, and im convinced it was grandad drums that put it there!

Then theres God. Grandad could turn a discussion about Benny Hills amazing comedy (which both me and him loved) into a discussion about Gods love for us. And no matter what job you were doing it was a God given job. the times I rang him up and he asked what I was up to and he would always say "thats such an important job, Gods really using you" etc etc. I sometimes wonder what he would have said if I had rang him when I was working at the chicken factory.

His house was full of books by Billy Graham and although i dont remember the content of the chats I do remember many times talking about the era of Billy Graham crusades and revivals etc. if I could have just an ounce of the passion for God that Grandad had then id be a better man.

But his passion for God didnt make him super spiritual, I remember goiong to Mcdonalds with him only to see a very attractive lady and for grandad to point her out and nudge me and tell me in great detail how attractive she was. he never came across as pervy tho, he was a real charmer, and Im sure he stole womans hearts whenever he spoke to them.

His other passion was keeping fit, and he put me to shame many times, even in his old age. He would walk a few miles from his house to the local swimming pool swim laps for a long time and then walk home again, i remember visiting once and almost begging him to catch a bus coz there was no way I could walk as far or as fast as him.

I will always remember Grandad as a passionate Godly man who was approachable and down to earth offering advise when and where it was needed, with an open door policy to guests, no matter who they were.

At 10am today i got the phone call telling me 15minutes earlier he had died. at 10:45am I was leading a service at my church on love and faith and a few times I was sure he was sat at the front of the church smiling.

In the sermon i quoted one of the last things he said to me "I believe in miracles and have so many people praying for me that I know a miracle will happen!" and I wish I had said to him he is the miracle, i hope he knew how special he was to all his family (and its a very big family), and whilst im sad to lose him Im sure that Gods smiling even more now and that everyone in heaven is having a great, very load party because it will never be quiet with him around.

The thing we were all praying for, the miracle Grandad wanted, has happened. He is now healed, yes I will miss him, yes I selfishly wish he was still here, but, well Im sure hes having fun.

Grandad drums thanks for the music, thanks for the advice, thanks for everything.

Have fun (rest in peace doesnt really fit for you does it?)

Matt (Christophers middle child - coz theres so many of us grandchildren that you never could remember the names!)

Kevin (Cousin) and Grandad at a wedding

Dad, Liz and Grandad at party 2006

Grandad and his children (2006)

Grandad the way I like to remember him - tanned and enjoying the sun

Grandad drums

2007-08-01T23:47:00.000+01:00

Today I got a phone call from my dad which has left me feeling weird.

My dad had visited my granddad today and he is not at all well, and the jist of the phone call was warning me to expect a phone call in the next few days informing me that my grandad had died.

Over the last few years I havent seen him as much as I would have liked but He is a man I respect so much and when I have seen him and spoken to him he has always given me wise words on every area of life from spiritual stuff to how important a good women is lol.

All his grandchildren call him Grandad Drums because he always had a drum kit upstairs in his house and he would teach us how to play them by putting on his records and sitting us down getting us to play along to them - every time we viosited.

I once went to a radio one road show and said hello to grandad drums, only afterwards being asked by my dad - "do you really think your grandad listens to radio 1?"

The last time I saw him he looked awful and we have known for a whiloe that we wont see much more of him, but now I know it almost certain I wont see him again.

My dads said not to visit as hes so ill that he wont know etc. Now I just dont know how I feel. He's alive still so i cant mourn him, but we are just waiting - which means he may as well be dead. Does that mean ive given up on him? the last time I saw him he said to me "I believe in mioracles and i have so many people praying for me that a miricle can and will happen!" So i shouldnt be counting the days I should be praying like he wanted.

He is a great man, one of my cousins wrote a book which was a top seller and most of it was about my grandads life. It wasnt an easy one but through it all he truely turned into a man who i respect and love and whilst I dont feel I have a right to be upset as I havent seen that much of him, I know I will be devistated when the phone call comes. Ive even not answered the phone twice today just in case.

anyways yeah please pray for whole family, but most of all pray for a miricle!

The Holy Grail

2007-07-25T23:00:00.000+01:00

Last night I had a dream. It was one of those dreams where you wake up at the end of it and feel like it really happened and annoyed that you missed the end of it because you woke up. I awoke at 8am (ish) was wide awake and my whole body felt tense and stiff, as if Id just been involved in something really intense.

so what was the dream? I hear you asking, well it was nothing really dramatic. I dreamt I was at some sort of youth group, I know I knew people in the group but I cant remember who they were. I wasnt the youth worker responsible for the group as I was introduced as a guest by the youth worker, again I recognised him but I cant remember who it was.

The youth group was debating prayer, and I was sat there listening getting really frustrated at the way the debate was going. Everything everyone was saying just seemed to be frustrating me for some reason (again I cant remember what they were saying or why I was getting frustrated). Suddenly I had had enough and I decided to say my piece and basicaly I started talking about prayer and how Jesus taught us to pray by using the Lords prayer, this got shot down by one youth who completely disagreed with me but wouldnt let me explain that I wasnt talking about just saying it it was about using it as guidance thing on how to pray (see my recent sermon entitled "teach us to pray" which is linked ---> ). she eventually let me finish my point and someone else argued against what i was saying and every time i tried to answer a point someone else said something to stop me making it. Just as I was about to say something I woke up.

Now whilst I dont know why I had that dream last night (as the sermon was one written and used ages ago so wasnt fresh in my mind) I did think it may have meant something. I could be reading too much into it but I think maybe it could be God reminding me that I preach that prayer is important but fail to do it as much as I should. I preach that spending time with God is vital and yet I do that even less than I pray. So maybe the reason I woke up feeling so frustrated and tense is because thats the way my relationship with God is, Im not having the debates with other christians to challenge and discredit/build upon my ideas the way I did when I was a church youth worker, Im not even challenging myself as much, and maybe Im not even letting God challenge me as much when Im awake and so hes started doing it when Im asleep.

or maybe it was just a dream.

Ive also just watched The Davinchi Code for the first time, and this made me think a bit as well. The idea is based on the Holy Grail and how the church has hidden the Grail as it could destroy the church as we know it because The Grail would change findamental facts about Jesus. (Obviously this film/book is just good fiction - with no fact to it!) Well this stirred me a bit more about the dream I had and to think about how in reality the Holy Grail which we all aim to discover is not actually hidden and is something which I personally have found, Jesus himself and the relationship he has enabled us to have with God. The problem is This Grail is ignored by me sometimes because its not hidden. We search and search for things when we cant find them but when they are right infront of our noses we take them for advantage - which is why the hunt for the holy grail is often seen as more interesting than using the Grail we have already found.

So yeah as I write this I realise this is more a prayer, Lord help me to polish the Grail every day, to have a relationship with you so that I dont wake up frustrated again because I can hear you when Im awake rather than having to rely on you stirring me in my dreams.

Amen

I guess the main problem I have is there are certain areas of my life which I have issues with which get in the way of my relationship with God. I have 1 particular issue which is an addiction and it keeps coming back, and I think that probably is why I dreamt the dream as it came up last night and once again temptation got into the way.

I know God forgives me but I need his help to stop it as it does stop me from getting close to him. So I need God to give me power as I cant get patches for my addiction lol.

On none spiritual front the last week has been great, Ive felt like Ive had a social life, and have met people who may give me a social life over the next few months, problem is most of them leave the country in a few months then il be back to square one lol.

was great to see Cashew and Fruity on Saturday, was great to celebrate my mates birthday by going for a meal with him and others followed by his foirst ever experience of a nightclub, and works been going well as well - altho The dream did make me remember that I miss the debates etc which I used to encourage with the youth in my last job.

Anyways this is a lengthy blog and if youve read this far well done.

Oh one last thing - well done Steph on getting your new job at The Emerits, will be praying for you and will try to get over to see you before you fly off to dubai but if I dont (which is likely) I expect to be informed of the discount tickets to Dubai so that I can come see you. Well Done!

Bye everyone, dont forget to comment on my ramblins (and to read my sermons and comment on them too lol)

The next blog from me

2007-07-16T00:07:00.000+01:00

My last blog seems to have created the impression that I am moping around after my ex almost a year after we split up. I just wish to clarify - before I go on, that I am not crying myself to sleep or anything. I truely am happy that she is out of my life, so thankyou all for your messages of support, it means a lot that people care, but be assured that I have moved on, and was only feeling weird on that day because I had heard the news and found it weird.

Now thats sorted on with the blog.

This week has been a strange week as it has been exactly 2 years since I moved to Harborough, and so there were quite a few moments of reflecting on the past, present and future.

Workwise everythings flying, The Cube is going well, the supervisory board is happy, the young people respect me and some do see me as a confidant etc.

Socially im in a strange place. All my close friends are scattered around Britain and I barely ever see them, infact my best friend I havent seen for at least a year if not longer.

I went out for lunch with someone who i sort of class as a spirtual mentor - I used to ring him whenever something was going wrong and i felt really bad etc etc and he probably knows more about my past than anyone else in Harborough. Well I hadnt met with him for over a year (which i guess means that the last year hasnt been emotionaly bad) and over lunch he asked me a few hard hitting questions.

What changes would i like in my life in the next 2 years?
How can I get there?
where work wise do I want to go?

The first one was answered with laughter and the answer ive given plenty of times before - I want a network of friends living near me, and posibly a partner (in the romantic sense)

The second one involves changing the way I live. I need to get out of the house when im not working, find a way of meeting people, and yeah well ive no idea lol. He suggested I get a housemate - however ive lived on my own for 5 years now and enjoy my space - which i guess is part of the problem.

Work wise I dont know really so i wont bore you with my explorations.

Other things that have happened this week: -

I sent someone I really like a package which has sat around the house waiting to be sent, she ruined the point of it coz she opened everything in it on the same day when the theory of it is that each "gift" was unwrapped when needed, but she says she liked it and so I guess it achieved what it was meant to.

Market Harborough got closed down. You may have seen on the news how tescos had some sort of major incident which resulted in 14 stores getting closed, well Harboroughs store was one of them. The police then closed most of the towns shops and cordened off most of the roads which was really weird. rumours range from the most realistic bomb threat to the mass shooting and burgalry idea (*im sure there would be ambulances around if shootings were involved durrr). I took a pic on my phone of the police closing the roads etc and sent it to the bbc website expecting it to just appear on there, but no it was used every 15 minutes with my name being mentioned all night. The amount of texts and phone calls from people asking was it me was hilarious. The town was back to normal today tho.

Church this morning was weird. You know when you walk into the church and take part in worship and start looking around to see a sea of white hair and as much as you try to focus on worshipping God you start to wonder why you go and whether you belong there or not. So yeah I need to pray and work out if i truely am where God wants me to be.

Tonight I led a service and preached on prayer etc and realised what I knew already - that I dont do enough of it. service went well as usual, but if i leave my church then this area will be stopped so this all effects my decisions.

Finally right now im feeling blugh. Think I just am preparing myself for the busiest 6 weeks of the year work wise. I love youth work but sometimes I wonder if its ruining my life.

Anyways so much stuff in here so i will stop. please pray for all the stuff youve read above, but please remember overall im in a good mood and am happy so dont send me lots of sympathetic messages - however i love hearing from you all so do comment and say what you want to say (and if it has to be sympathetic so be it!)

by for now

a year is a long tgime

2007-07-08T22:27:00.000+01:00

This time last year I was engaged - the person who I was engaged to is moving in with her current boyfriend tomorow.

how do I feel about this? well I feel weird. Shes sort of still a friend, although shes one of those friends who I dont really like that much - you know the ones, you all have them, but you never admit it! Im glad things didnt work out, coz she was not (and posibly is not) as nice a person when you get to know her as she appears. She treated me like dirt, used me for all she could get, and basicaly kept playing games for a long time - even after we split up. So why does it remotely bother me that shes moving in with someone else?

If I was speaking to someone else and they were saying all this Id reply - coz she was a big part of your life, you thought she was going to be with you til death so its natural to feel weird. Id also say your better off without her. and well yeah bascialy I know all this. So why do I still feel a pang of jealousy - not coz I havent got her - I dont want her - so why?

I think its mainly to do with the fact that a year is a long time and it annoys me that the "evil" (sorry only word i can think of to be polite) person has moved on and got a new guy, getting a new house, is apparently in love and is seemingly happily forming a great family life (yes I know i cant truely know whats going on). whereas I am almost in the same situation as I was a year ago. Without going into the whole thing and all my past romances etc it does make me think that the nice guys finish last idea is actually true.

my last post (written about an hour ago) was me trying to get myself looking at the positives of the future, and thats what im trying to do but in the back of my mind theres these small things nigling at me :-

am I too nice/too much of a pushover to ever be more than a friend?
am I destined to be the pick up guy - to pick people up after bad times until they get back on track and can find someone who they really want?
how come in a year for me nothing much changes but for others everything does.

im not down, more annoyed that this stuff stops me truely trusting people, annoyed that when people talk about love I dont think its possible to be real, and annoyed that im still bothered by an ex who i dont love or like.

anyways moans over ignore me!

this week

2007-07-08T21:31:00.000+01:00

This last week has been a weird week, mainly because a few massive things have happened which have major effects on my future.

It bagan like most weeks with a Monday (well technicaly Sunday is the begining of the week but I never class that as being the real begining of the week). I had a meeting with my supervisory board at 9am, a meeting I had requested to come up with a vision for the next 3 years of The Cube. This meeting went fairly well, especially after I managed to get them to move away from talking about specifics and start talking about aims and objectives.

After the meeting finished I started working on putting meat on the bones and spent 3 hours developing a strategy document for the next 3 years, basicaly using the agreed aims to develop objectives. so now I have the knowledge of the next 3 years aims and objectives and in the next week will be developing the method of how to get there in a bit more detail.

The next big thing that happened was I subscribed to Sky TV - yes finally I will have more than 4 channels. How do I afford this? well thanks to a refund from British Gas and a bit of maths which made me realise I would only be paying about £5-10 more than I pay now to get the tv, phone and internet package - so all good.

Finally during a drunken chat with someone I discovered things which were hard to believe and when in context of what I said at the end of my last blog backs up exactly what I said. cryptic - yes but thats all your getting from me!

so Workwise I know where Im going, just not how Im getting there.
Social wise - I know Il never be leaving the house again - but at least Il have Sky sports of comfort
and well other things look positive too.

I think maybe this blog thing is taking a back seat at the moment coz lifes so busy. but hope this satusfies all your wants and needs for a little while.

bye for now.

a PJ Day

2007-07-01T22:03:00.000+01:00

Ive had a pajama day today! For those people who dont know what one of those are its a day that you get out of bed and dont bother getting washed or dressed and just stay in your bed clothes for the whole day.

yes i stink!

Other than that I have sat infront of my tv and watched the Dianna concert, and whilst the show itself was a mix of the cack and the brilliant the whole thing got me thinking about how one persons death can effect millions of people in such a way that 10 years after she dies a concert remembering her gets shown in almost every country in the world.

That obviously got me thinking of Jesus and his death, and the bit that often gets forgotten about - coz he "died for our sins" - his RESURECTION! I mean doesnt it speak volumnes that a woman dies in a tragic accident in France and every country broadcasts a show about her 10 years later but in some countries a God who died for a reason - a reason that was nothing to do with him, was to do with us, cant be talked about without fear of persecution!

Then theres the fact that tickets for this concert sold out in minutes wheras theres empty pews in the churches because of people like me being too tired to give up a rare day off to worship the person who saved us.

The thing is Im not sure God minds. Obviously he minds about the first point, and he wants us to fight for the right to party (or worship) and for the right for all to do the same, but Im not sure if he minds when we have a day in bed or whatever because he wants us to worhsip him 24/7/365 not just in the church building on a Sunday. Maybe its just me talking myself out of guilt or maybe not.

The song thats just finished on the show is "are you ready for love?" and i think thats a good a place to stop as any, are we ready for love? will we accept love? will we show love? will love be our lives?

if the answer to all these questions are yes then we will be worshiping God 24/7/365 and so God wont mind the odd Sunday PJ day, if the answers are yes then we will be fighting injustices and for the right for all to worship God, and if the answers are yes then we are having a true relationship with him.

if the answer is no to any of the questions then we need to work on that to change it. The big problem tends to be accepting love - i know it is for me - God can move mountains and so helping you to change your answers is certainly possible if u ask him.

so are you ready? are you ready for love?

A catch up blog

2007-06-30T23:54:00.000+01:00

well since I seem to be getting messages demanding a blog I thought I better oblidge.

Since my last blog Ive been so busy with so many different things that I really didnt have the motivation to write about my life when I was so busy living it.

So the main things that have happened have been the variety show and the general running of the cube.

The Variety Show, for those who dont know, was a show which I "jointly" (yeah right I did all the work) organised with my friend Benji in order to raise money for "Careforce" a charity who places people on year olds in churches across Britain (www.careforce.co.uk)

The 2 weeks before the show was an up and down period with people pulling out all the time and then us ending up with people wanting to be in the show at the last minute. Then the day itself arrived and it was superb. We had a belly dancer, a rock band, a singer, 3 comedians, a couple of amazing children acts, and a few other things (including a certain blogger destroying 2 of his favourite songs). I was the host as well, so was kept very busy keeping the show running.

We raised £280 in total, which we were very pleased with.

After that I could relax - wrong. I then needed to organise a BBQ for the volunteers of the Cube and keep it up and running and do lots of other things.

Il skip to the BBQ which took place in the pouring rain on wednesday and so we ended up having all the meat cooked in oven and playing uno extreme - until 11:10pm! Was great to have them round tho coz it felt like I had a social life - even if it was a work event.

But you dont want to know about work etc, you want to know about me. Well in the last blog I felt crap and had a bad day etc. Over the last couple of weeks Ive had my ups and downs, being so busy has left me drained - The happiest moment was gettin £460 refund from British Gas.

I guess what Id like to say to you all is that you dont know how special you are to me, sometimes you feel like your all I have.

I honestly feel my emotions and feelings are like a rollercoaster and sometimes i wanna get off and sometimes im excited by the bumps etc i see in the distance or have just gone over.

Theres a couple of really special people who have helped keep me sane over the last couple of weeks, but I dont think they know it. One of them is currently waiting for me to write this blog and whilst I dont want to look like Im sucking up to her I want her to know that no matter what life has thrown at her or decisions she has made in the past present or future Gods used them to turn a rock into a diamond - a beautiful one too! So you know who you are (and if you dont then ask me if its you and il confirm it!)

right I just got a message telling me to hurry up so il finish coz this lengthy blog is enough for now.

will do one tomoro on my first day off for 2 weeks! yay

love you all!

Me!

not a fun day

2007-06-15T22:49:00.000+01:00

Todays been one of those days, you get them in youth work, those days where at the end of it the only question you want to ask is "whats the point?"

but its nor just in youth work its in life. without going into details friends can be hard work sometimes. I know they are worth it, and I appreciate all my friends but sometimes I wish God created us to be alone instead of with other people.

anyways im being careful what i type coz i dont want to bitch.

then tonight we had no young people - not a single one!

whats the point?

anyways Im praying that tomoro I wake up in a better mood coz I do prefer myself when im happy etc and i think most of you lot do too!

so for now farewell, this is why i didnt blog this before - you understand now lol

happy morety will see you all tomoro.

Laughing at life

2007-06-13T15:07:00.000+01:00

Ive been thinking a lot recently about how strange lifes is, i meen just look at my reasons: -

I spend all my time at work thinking about when my next day off is only to spend my day off worrying about the things I have to do at work the next day.

I keep looking at my mobile wishing I recieve texts or phone calls so that I know i have friends that care etc but when my phone rings I start swearing and cursing "whos ringing me at a time like this?"

I complain theres nothing on TV but cant miss a certain programme every week/day just in case something interesting happens on it when Im not watching.

I complain I have no social life but when asked if I want to go out after a long day at work I say no i just want to chill out and have some space.

I can feel alone and lonely in a room full of people but comfortable and happy in a room with just me and God.

I can convince myself somethings true even if it isnt but if someone tries to convince me the same thing is true I wouldnt believe them.

so yeah lifes strange, we all knew that - whats my point?

well I guess my point is that if lifes so strange and if its human nature to laugh at things that we find strange (which I am told is the case) why is it so hard to laugh at life?

Over the last 26 years lots of stuff (good and bad) has happened to me and my family etc and when I talk about it I normally do it with a smile on my face and almost laugh about it - some say this is because if i dont laugh id cry but with me its different, I do look back and find it slightly funny the way things panned out!

The bad stuff shouldnt have happened - but when you look back you see how silly some of the things were - and how much comic value is in them.

The good stuff was a blessing at the time but is often the hardest stuff to remember - surely thats funny in itself

So yeah next time Im telling you about my parents divorce, my depression, or any other crap periods of my life with a smile and almost jokey sounding voice be assured Im not hiding anything Im learning to laugh at life.

Is this healthy? YES - why? cause life is funny - even if it doesnt seem like it when your living it!

I believe God has a sense of humour and has a plan for us, he doesnt turn us into jokes or cause us pain which we cant deal with but he gave us the ability to laugh at things because laughter is the best medicine (watch patch adams if you dont believe me!) and is one of the best things he gave us to help us through the bad times.

So next time you feel down, next time stuff is going wrong, infact every day that you live ask God the exact thing that I am asking God for at this very moment - ask God to let you laugh!

Life = a gift from God
laughter = a gift from God
You = a gift from God

Life + You + Laughter = a happy life (but not necesarily and easy life)

sorry this is random and possibly a bit too serious for a day off - you got to laugh dont you, when i started typing i had nothing to say!

not much to say

2007-06-12T12:22:00.000+01:00

I havent actually got anything interesting to say today - the main thing that happend yesterday was to be told of by my boss for something which has nothing to do with work at all - but apparently in leadership everything is to do with work!

anyways so that i dont moan etc instead i chose to update my life story so if your bored enough to read it go to

http://www.faithforum.co.uk/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=3184&p=58277&sid=6e604545b8839337fbff00ad2d282e32#p58277

thanks

Stacey (to be fair)

2007-06-10T22:45:00.000+01:00

Shes 19 years old today oh my
That really makes her old
An amazing welsh girl she is you know
could steal my heart anyday if she wished
everybody knows her charms
yay for stacey yay

Happy birthday now learn to celebrate properly!

proper blog of the busy weekend

2007-06-10T20:47:00.000+01:00

well the weekend began on Friday (as it does every week) and il skip the day and jump to the brilliant evening I had. Went to see Riding Lights Roughshot theatre company at a church, and it was weird coz the first half was a mix of the random to the sublime. A number of short dramas based on the actors real lives, some very meaningfull some just plain random and weird. The second half was a touching drama about modern and historic slavery. Really touched me especially as it was sort of based on the tragedy in Morcambe where I spent a lot of time when I was studying. If they are in your area go watch them - really good night out.

I got home and had to finish off prep for saturdays stall at the carnival. I got to bed at 2am and awoke at 8am ready for my long day.

Basicaly the stall was a 2 minute quiz with a £20 prize at the end of the day to the person with the highest score. The main reason of us being there was PR, which meant a lot of running around in the morning so here goes.

at 9am I was at home printing off posters and other display items and laminating them whilst making sure my transport was sorted - he wasnt and agreed to meet me at 10am

At 9:30am I walked quickly into town to purchase 3 clipboards and some pens and to cut 500 flyers so that we had 1000 of them.

At 10:30am my transport arrived. We filled his van up and drove to the Baptist church where we had to pick up display boards and tables.... by the time van was full it was 11:15am

we then drove to my house to pick up the display material and a couple of deck chairs and left there at 11:29am. The deadline for arriving at the fair ground to set up was 12am so we were cutting it fine but should make it.

Just as we pull out into the main road the police stick a road closed sign up so we couldnt right turn, so we right turned anyways the police officer looking very angry until i wind down the window and shout "we have a stall for carnival" she turns and shouts exactly what I shouted to the next officer who then shouted again and then anouther... a bit like chinese whispers, im sure the last officer shouted "their fools for the carnival!" but they let us through and we joined a traffic jam (how if the road was closed was there a traffic jam?) and eventually arrived to set up at 11:57am - just in time!

we set up and the stand fell over, set up again and the stand fell over, and set up again and it stayed up. Then the crowds arrived!

Well basicaly it ended up being a 12 year old girl coming back again and again getting more right all the time and got a score of 17 and walked away believeing she was winning. The an hour before the end a 16 year old came and tried a few times equalised and then got 22, just as the 12 year old came to check she was still winning - she was gutted so tried 3 more times but could not get over 19.

Was funny coz all the adults who took part never got above 14 so once again it proves the education system works (and the questions were very tough!)

After all this I got home completly knackered at 7pm just in time to relax with dr who (great epotisode) and joseph (the tv show - IM NOT GAY!)

went to bed at 10pm(ish) and awoke this morning in time for church.

Todays highlights were :-

singing happy bday to stace over the phone and learning she doesnt know how to party or celebrate properly (and a bacon sarnie is not a cooked breakfast!)

chatting to Nat and wishing her happy bday etc and learning she doesnt know how to party or celebrate properly

leading a service tonight which went amazingly well (9ppl in congregation yay)

and now I think I will relax and try to switch off for a bit before bed.... roll on wednesday I need a day off!

Stace Happy birthday to you hope you had a goodun#
Nat you got your message so yeah happy bday

everyone else everytime i say comment or text I get about 2 comments and no texts so I wont bother this time and see who comments!

bye for now (I will put photos up when in next blog coz i cant be bothered to do the uploading thing now)

For Nat

2007-06-10T20:35:00.000+01:00

Firstly I promised Nat I would write her and her alone a special birthday message so here goes

There was a girl called Nat
who liked to wear ears of a cat
Shed lived 20 years
Didnt like drinking beers
but she looked great in a hat!

(ok very poor lymeric but the point is hope you have had a great bday and you learn how to party before your 21st!)

there you go hope you dont feel left out from the previous post anymore!

confessions and messages to you all.

2007-06-08T00:03:00.000+01:00

Ive sinned a lot today

Ive been angry coz someone stopped me working this afternoon because they didnt know procedures which have been in place for 2 years.

Ive been jealous of 2 friends being so close and me feeling so far from them

Ive lusted but I wont go there (actually I better say it was over a car or something or some of you may start thinking dodgy thoughts about me)

Ive thought terrible thoughts about both my parents

Ive been incredibly lazy

and well thats enough confessions for today - feel better now.

obviously this isnt my usual type of blog, mainly coz i actually for once dont have anything new or worthwhile to write.

actually there is a few personal messages for people I want to make:-

Cash - everything ive said in the past is true, and I'm praying that your happy and that you find whatever your looking for.

Lil - Smile and remember your life is yours and Gods not anyone elses. ENJOY IT!

Stace - have a great birthday and make sure that boyfriend of yours forces you to celebrate in style!

Bexy - not sure if you read this blog but if you do remember your a valued friend to so many people and they may not know how to show you how special you are - but that doesnt meen they dont see you as a precious gift!

Margo - I miss our mortal enemy fun and games - those were the days. follow your heart and stop using your head so often!

Pilch - from what Ive heard from others blogs and chat in general your a special guy who touches many lives, would love to get to know you better and actually class you as a friend rather than a friend of a friend.

Ann-Marie - I might not know the answers to the questions we both seem to be asking but I know a man who does, and Im sure hes going to tell us them when the time is right - just praying he hurries up lol.

Teebs - I like you too, especially when sometimes you force me to entertain which in turn has sometimes lifted my mood so thankyou - your great!

Kat - Be assured your a great friend and despite the past our future is a great friendship and I cant wait to visit you to prove it lol.

Everyone else - Thankyou - you comments and texts may sometimes appear to you as just a token gesture but they meen a lot. Please continue to comment and if you have my mobile please randomly text - it proves to me that those I care about aint just figments of my imagination - your all grand and special and I wish you all lived nearer coz id love to have you all around.

night night

(normal services will resume tomoro)

The Cube - for those who requested it

2007-06-07T23:54:00.000+01:00

ok first this is the official background of "The Cube" (the cafe I run)

The Cube was created in response to a survey of the town by Harborough Improvement Team (HiT) which identified a lack of provision for young people in the 14-18 age group.

The churches in town agreed to set up ‘the Cube’ (initially named ‘the Source’) to be overseen by a Supervisory Board made up of the youth workers or representatives from the main eight churches in the town.

The café is managed by young people, volunteers and Matthew Moreton (full time youth worker) and is based on Christian principles including the value of the individual, the importance of relationships, tolerance and respect for one another and the free and open discussion of different views and opinions. It seeks to provide a safe & secure environment in which young people can relax and enjoy themselves. Provision will be made for discussing any issues raised by young people and support given for organising their own events and activities. The Cube motto is ‘Live life, love life & learn from life’ and expresses the aim of supporting and equipping young people in getting the most out of their lives.

The Cube is open to everyone aged 14-16 and to 16-18’s who are not in full time employment. Since opening “The Cube” has reached on average 120 young people each week (including repeat attendees) with a wide mix of youths from many different backgrounds.

so thats the official stuff out the way, basicaly my job is to run the venue and stop it just being a cafe and make it youth work. Sometimes I fail sometimes I succeed. Any questions ask away but i really am not sure what to say about the cafe so yeah thats the work stuff gone I may write a proper blog or I may go to bed!

procrastinating

2007-06-07T10:35:00.000+01:00

procrastination is a great word isnt it. I meen just the way it is spelt and sounds sums up exactly what it meens. It takes ages to say, even longer to work out which letters go in which order, and by the end of it you have forgotten what it is your trying to put off anyways.

Well thats officially what I am doing here and now, Im putting of things.

What am I putting off, well like I said above I cant actually remember. I know I have a stall for our carnival to sort out by Saturday, I know I have posters to design and print for Saturday, I know I have a press release to write, for yesterday, I know I have reports to write for no idea when, and I know I have publicity to send out for ASAP. But ask me what Im supposed to be doing now and I couldnt tell you.

Last night I was told I was disorganised and I laughed and said yes I am, but my disorganisation is what gets my work done! The thing is its not just in work that Im disorganised its my life as well.

Ok Im single, 26 (27 on August 24th by the way) years old, live on my own, rent a house, have an "interesting" job and whilst I have debts its below the national average (about £3-5000). But how do I live my life, well - and this wasnt planned but just as I wrote that last line a song popped into my head which sums up how I live currently (some words changed to suit me better): -

I get up when I want, except on Tuesdays, when I get rudely wakened by the dustmen.
I put my trousers on, have a cup of tea, and I think about leaving the house.
I feed the young people, I sometimes feed the elderly too. It gives me a sense of enormous well-being.
And then I'm happy for the rest of the day,safe in the knowledge there will always be a bit of my heart devoted to it.

Incase you didnt know the song is parklife by Blur.

so yeah where were I? (I talk proper!) ah yes my disorganised life - well its got me thinking and wondering (are they the same thing?) is having a disorganised life a bad thing? does it autmaticly mean your life is going to be messy? if life gets organised does it meen Id lose my udentity?

I like sleeping in, I work better under pressure (aka at the last minute), I prefer to wake up and say "im going to the theatre today!" than to plan a day out for weeks.

Im not sure where Im going with this blog, and maybe thats the point of it - that I dont know where Im going false stop.

im 26 years old - I know Im getting older - so thats clear and tidy, and organised but I have no choice there do I?

Im single - Well Ive had relationships and theyve failed, Im told Im not ugly (altho I dont believe them) Im told I have a good sense of humour/personality etc so I guess my disorganised life may contribute to this - or i must be doing something else wrong, just no body tells me what lol

Im in debt - I am slowly getting myself out of it, but then I do something like decide on a holiday etc and get back into it - again lack of planning leads me into the deep.

so yeah - im not depressed or down just reflecting on my disorganasation as part of my procrastination and wondering if I should change or whether changing is even possible or whether making a change is something i should put off til tomoro.

what do you think? I cant be the only one who is thinking this can I?

life changing stuff

2007-06-05T23:15:00.001+01:00

The last couple of days have been a strange couple of days, nothing particulary big or small has happened however the events have effected me in a few ways, which in turn will effect at least my short term future in many ways.

Imagine the scene a 17 year old lad is sat head in his arms staring at his mobile, every so often you get a grunt or some sort of small talk (normally about leicester city!). He then asks the biggest question any man could ask anouther man "why is always the mans fault?"

whoa! now before I continue this scenario let me please apologise to any women reading this blog, but in truth the question is one which us men often ask and to this day have failed to answer.

My response "umm well do u think its her fault?"
Him "Yeah its definitly her fault"
Me "well the reason its always the mans fault in her view is cause its always her fault in your view!"
Him "oh yeah"
and the chat goes on and on and on until....
Him "Matt can I have that questionaire back" (we had all the youths fill in a big questionaire one of the pages dedicated to getting feedback on me)
Me "why?"
Him "well I said I wouldnt talk to you about my problems cause youd take the piss, and I want to change that now coz I know you wouldnt!"

Now this may not seem like a big thing to you, but to me I spend over 40 hours a week trying to make small breakthoughs with young people, and this is what I needed at that exact moment. I was tired of no young people coming in, of the criticism for lack of organisation, the... well you get the picture. Then in this moment (which the youth probably thought was just anouther meaningless chat) I got the kick from God saying - your not wasting your time, just be patient and your change lives!

Now you wont know this coz i havent told anyone but I was really in a why do I bother stage at work, the stage where it feels like im not doing youth work just running a cafe, the stage where i think about what life would be like in a 9 to 5 job where I had the evenings and weekends off, where im well paid, and well yeah you get the point. So this small moment sorted that out (hopefully there will be a few more small moments soon tho coz i dont want to have to rely on it for a while.)

The next moment came through a text message. Now I am addicted to texts, I use them a lot coz most of my friends live so far away that i cant give them a hug when they (or I) need them, or just to say im thinking of them or whatever. Sometimes I even feel God telling me to text someone i havent texted for ages (although that doesnt happen too often). Well this is fine, you may think, but I barely ever recieve texts, probably coz I text people so much that they get fed up of me and so ignore my messages and assume theirs no meaning behind them. Well today I recieved a text like one ive never recieved before. It was someone who had just decided to text out of the blue. im sure they didnt think it was a particulary meaningful message or a very special one but (Im ashamed to say this) it brought a slight tear to my eye. what did it say? I hear you ask.... well youl have to read on and at the end of the blog Il tell you!

So my happiness at work got the kick up the backside it needed, my emotional side got touched, what next. Well on Sunday we lost the venue we are hosting a variety show in. So we had the acts, the date, the time, a few people expressing interest in coming but no venue. Well to cut a long story short someone approached me and (without knowing we had lost the venue) said "you should have done it at our church!" so now we have a venue! A blatant answer to prayer! Thankyou God - I am panicking now tho coz I have to sort my acts out, Im due to be singing 2 songs but havent chosen them or sorted music yet as I havent done a serious performance in public since I was 18, 8 years ago! so pretty nervous - I have my suit ready tho so i know what im wearing lol.

Finally the biggest thing that happend, and its a really really small thing but il remember it for a long time. Theres this old man who I think lives just down the road. I see him all the time and always say hello and he never replies, or acknowleges it or even smiles. Infact he worse than Victor meldrew, the ultimate miserable old man. Well today I walked past him and said hello and he looked up, looked at me for a minute made a strange grunt like noise and nodded his head and smiled. Wow he acknowledged me - whats going on. well like I said it was a small thing but this smile really made my day.

All this has made me realise the importance of the small things. i know its biblical and I know its pretty obvious but i think we all forget it (I know i do). The smallest of things have a big effect.
Maybe you smile at someone every day.
Maybe you say bless you when someone sneezes
theres loads more examples but the thing I realised over the last 2 days is without the small things life would be so much worse than it is.

So I guess I have a challenge to you all, and to myself.

Set yourself a target to do 1 small thing every day. It may be saying hello to a neighbour, giving a friendly smile to the harrassed parking attendant, saying keep the change to the person serving you, or sending a text to someone you havent contacted for a while just to let them know your thinking of them.

You may just change someones life without even knowing it - whats the worst that can happen?

oh yeah by the way the text said: -

":-) A smile for you coz knowing you makes me smile"

Sunny Sunday

2007-06-04T07:48:00.000+01:00

Well what can I say about Sunday, the Sun was out the sky was blue theres not a lot for me to do coz its raining raining in my heart - well actually no it aint but I couldnt think of any other song about the sun being out so this will have to do.

So the day began with me going to church which was part of our family friendly weekend! So let me get this straight, our church had a weekend especially to join a network of churches and be classed as family friendly - doesnt this strike anyone else as being a little odd?

who decides which church is friendly? who decides what is classed as a family? how many sundays a year must the church be for the family? hmmm

well actually the service wasnt too bad, was fun mix of songs with actions (how utterly sad and cheesy lol) traditional hymns (snore) an interactive sermon (hmmmmm I think David Beckham is stalking me this weekend). God did actually speak to me during it, which cant be said most Sundays - cant actually remember what he said now tho lol - im sure he will repeat it if its important!

After the service I met up with Alice (still not her real name) for lunch down the local. Thanks to those who gave the advice. It was a really nice hour (I actually had a real reason which meant I had to be home for 1pm so couldnt stay longer), great fun and nice food. The obvious question of how did I "let her down" has been asked and to be honest I didnt actually say anything about my concerns, with the only hint being when she said we should do this again sometime I replied definitly and maybe we can invite a few more people next time too. She didnt seem to mind that suggestion so Im assuming that made it clear I wasnt looking to date her in a nice subtle way (hmm that sounds wrong - I dont want to date her whether its subtle or not lol)

Then I came home to recieve an important phone call which eventually came and went and wasnt as important as I was told it would be.

the rest of the day was pretty boring really, but really nice. I went into the back garden in my shorts and T-shirt and mowed the lawn (which had grown into a forest - im sure ive made a few animals homeless), played a bit of Pink very very loudly (and sang along a bit) which im sure upset the neighbours (the singing and playing it loudly probably upset them in equal measures). Oh and had a couple of glasses of cheap low alcoholic wine. Was actually a nice afternoon.

The niceness of the day was ripped down a little when I heard from my dad that my grandad had pressed his personal alarm as he was struggling to breath and was now in hospital again. Hes apparently going to be there for at least a week, if not longer. This has, however, made him agree that he will move into a home, on the condition that it still allows him to stay indipendant! so now my uncle etc are on the look out for a place. So please pray for my Grandad - Even tho I dont see him that often nowadays hes the one relative who I always want to see, and have great memories surounding him - and his drum kit (I always called him Grandad drums, once going on radio one and doing a shout out to him with my dad saying afterwards - do you really think Grandad listens to radio one? lol), his trumpet, his trombone, his organ and basically loads of other musical stuff. hes a great man, so yeah pray for him please, thanks.

I ended the day with the usual routine chattign and playing mines etc, but was really tired so lost most of them.

Anyways the week begins now, its the Harborough Carnival at the end of this week so I have to work out if we are having a stall and what we can do on it if we do have one. So busy week then.

right then its 8am and Im awake so i should do some work, bye bye people, dont forget to comment - its much more fun knowing whos read this and getting responses. lol

bye for now

Saturday - a day of hugs and smiles!

2007-06-03T13:33:00.000+01:00

After writing my last blog I was on line chatting to a friend until about 3:30am and suddenly realised the time and that I had to be awake and at work 4 hours later and so went to bed and set the alarm on my new phone, 6:30am - shouldnt be a problem should it?

WRONG

I awoke without hearing my alarm, picked up my phone to look at the time (afterall the alarm hadnt gone off so it must be early musnt it?) AARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

yes youve guessed it the time was not 6:30am, nor was it 7:30am or even 8am (the time I was due at the display venue) the time was 9:20am!

I jump out of bed run to the bathroom and shower and get dressed in a world record time, then I phone a taxi "can I have a taxi at Logan street as soon as posible please?" "I cant be there til 10:20!" "never mind!" 3 taxi companies all the same! so I ring a neighbour and ask a favour - i get the display out the front of the house and wait for him to turn up.

we drive the 5 minute journey into town, get the display out the car and set up and ask the people next to me - you been busy yet? the answer - not a single person - so i was greatful for the extra couple of hours in bed and calmed down.

Well the time past, 11am, 12pm - and not a single person passes info stalls - probably to do with where they had put us. the photo was taken at about 12pm ish - not a waste of time at all - was it?

Well anouther half hour past and the organisers aproached me to ask how it was going - well I told her and then she asked me the question - will you do me a favour? Well as I had wasted 2 hours of my day stood in the boiling sun already and was pretty bored I said yes, and then shetold me what it was - would I transform myself into Harvey the Newshound? doh!

So I go into a public toilet and force this big hairy outfit around my big hairy body (too much information?) and we realise we cant get the zip up so after a few random movements of my arms we manage to get myself zipped up and the outfit minuse the head is on. Now I dont know how many of you have ever dressed as a dog, but the advice the lady gave me was that 10 minutes would be enough - coz the day was a very hot day, so we put the head on and I have completed my transformation from mere morety into "Harvey the Newshound" The Harborough Mails favourite reporter!

We walk around for a few seconds and as I can barely see anything I keep hearing my "guide" saying ok theres children there and i start waving at them, and a strange thing happens, i start enjoying it.

Suddenly a little girl who was crying her eyes out sees me, stops crying and runs towards me arms held out and jumps at me for a hug. Her face was just one, children, adults, teenagers - so many peoples faces just glowed when they saw this dog, some asking for hugs, others for handshakes, to pat their head etc etc. Basicaly it was a really good feeling seeing the effect that a big dog in a hawain outfit can have on people.

I was toured around the town for half an hour - and it was great, altho if you remember the recommended time was 10 minutes and now i know why. At about 25 minutes I whispered to my guide - its time i got out of this! and we went back to the toilet to transform back into me. as I stripped down to my normal shirt I realised how wet my shirt was, I had sweated buckets and was hurting all over.

I decided that was enough of the stall (which still had no visitors) and packed up, went for a quick drink at a friends house and then went to the cube to work.

To cut this part of the story short I basicaly managed to get someone else to run the cube for the rest of the day and came home and fell asleep on the sofa until dr who started etc and then just chilled. I felt pretty rough and I think the fact i was sick once may have been some sort of sign that i was dehydrated so i didnt open any of the wine i had and just drank water for a bit. watched some films and generally chilled out.

The day itself was pretty wasted really, but when you think about how many hugs i got and how many people me and harvey made smile I guess it wasnt wasted at all.

Anyone who used to read my old blog would know that I havent really been myself for a few days because someone asked some questions I didnt like the answers to. Well today (because of Harvey) I realised that while I may not like myself as much as I should I do have a God given talent for making people smile and for helping/listening to people when they need it - and I like that, and thank God for it!

so if anyones reading this who I have offended during my bleak period Im sorry

if anyones reading this and thinking - yay moretys back - then again im sorry ive been away

HOWEVER there is one thing im not going to change - and that the fact that I have to be serious sometimes, and be listened to sometimes! hope you can put up with that

but for now let the games begin!

The virgin blog

2007-06-02T01:10:00.000+01:00

Ladies and gentlemen, Cats and dogs, Flies and bumblebees, Gods and mere mortals (please note there is only one God and so if you fall into this category then obviously you are sadly deluded!), basicaly anyone who is bored enough to read my new (un)improved blog, to you I say welcome.

As many of you know my old blog (RIP) has been lost somewhere on the net never to be seen again.

So this has given me the inspiration to start a new one.

On this blog I will endevour to be much more interesting than my old one had become recently. and so I will begin by analising my life over the last few days giving the ups and downs, whilst also pointing out anything that this may say about society.

Firstly I will begin with the sorry story of my laptop. If you read my old blog you will know that I leant it to my dad and then it got stolen by some evil men. Well since then I have had a daily phone call from my dad asking me some interesting questions (my replys are in brackets):
do i know how much it cost (it was a christmas present 4 years ago)
do i have any reciepts or proof of ownership (it was a christmas present)
do I know the make and model number (I leant you it months ago)
do I know where it was brought (IVE TOLD YOU DAD IT WAS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT NOW PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!)
And finally today he rings to tell me the insurance company have given him until monday to get the information on the laptop so my deadline is sunday (ummm well ive told you this this and this and thats all i know really!)
I guess this may meen i get some money for the stolen laptop or may not. what is classed as proof of ownership anyways? can I give them things ive printed out and say this is proof that i owned a laptop, maybe they want a photo of me using it? hmmm who knows.

Next, the sadder news of my uncles brain tumour returning. He had an op a couple of years ago and was declared fit but he has just been told its back and bigger than before so he has to have an op to remove it in the next 2 weeks. Yes this is sad - and I love my uncle and pray he will be better but as my mum was telling me all this and telling me how she was hoping to get down to visit for a day to support them and asked me to do the same at some point (they live in romford) I did start to wonder what it says about my family that the only time we see each other is when someones ill or dieing or dare I say it dead? who says families have gone to the dogs?

Ohhh on a brighter note I discovered how it is possible to accidently accept a date without realising it is a date or wanting it to be a date. Let me set the scene, your chatting to a girl (lets call her alice *not her real name) and she casually says "im thinking of going out for lunch on sunday do you fancy joining me?" "hmmm well im doing this in church in the morning which pub?" "the thingy inn" "ohhh thats near the church - why not, saves me a walk home!" "great so its a date then?" "Ummmmm" and shes gone!

now call me nieve but i didnt ever get the impression she was asking me out until a mutual friend tells me hes just been told i have a date with alice and shes very excited about it! so now im stuck. I like Alice but only as a friend, shes just not my type really. Its made even more complicated as I stupidly asked the person I actually fancy for advice and so probably made it sound like I wanted to go on the date or something and well yeah - not that shes actually interested lol - I always have this thing of having the wrong people going after me at the wrong times, theres plenty of entertaining stories from uni i could put here but I wont. so yeah any advice on how to get out of a date without hurting or ruining a good friendship would be apreciated.

theres loads of other questions about romance stuff going through my head as I right this but Im not going to put it here coz well they are silly, but I would love to know one thing - if things are complicated at the start my experiences suggest at least one of the people involved are not really that interested - is this always the case? anyways enough of that - lets get interesting!

So what about work? (I hear you not asking) well work has been dead this week, which is a nightmare for me as it meens I have to work harder to work out why there are no youths using the cafe and try to decide if its a seasonal thing (which it is) or whether its something else. Tonight we had 2 in - now thats bad!

finally Ive just finished a display which i am using at a day promoting volunteering in out town. It begins in 7 hours so i will be tired but thats life! What does it say about volunteering that you have to have a day to promote it? and a question - do those paid (such as myself) to promote and work with volunteers do much volunteering themselves? i know I dont, but then i think maybe i do - does it matter? hmmm

ok for those of you who like answering questions for me these are the ones i would like answers to: -

how do I get out of the date without hurting her or ruining friendship?
why am I awake writing a blog at 1:40am?
if things are hard at the start of things... well you were asked above so wont repeat it?
is it best to give up when you have no idea if you have any chance of success?
have i become too serious and lost my funny side?
is this enough?

answers in comments please. I may not actually update this blog as i have decided to give up the net for a week for various reasons but I dont actually think any of these reasons will actually stop me using it but we will see.

anyways thanks for reading my randomness and until next time live long and prosper!

(the song below is a video thats made me laugh a lot and sums up one of my many beliefs - give it a viewing - its worth it!)